Fade
by AdrienneRose
Summary: Edward returns to Bella and his family in a fragile state. As they tend to him they unravel the mysteries of his absence and come to a fork in the road - one where Edward and Bella fight for two different outcomes to their story.
1. The Returning

Fade

"Do not watch the petals fall from the rose with sadness; know that, like life, things sometimes must fade, before they can bloom again."

~*~*~*~*~

Summary: Edward returns to Bella and his family in a fragile state. As they tend to him they unravel the mysteries of his absence and come to a fork in the road - one where Edward and Bella fight for two different outcomes to their story.

Story is set after Twilight Canon but becomes AU sometime after. Bella is 18 years old. Edward left just like in New Moon and Bella found him in Italy – though it doesn't really pertain to this story. Story is AU because no Jacob/wolves play into the story.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

~*~*~*~*~

Alice sent me into the woods alone, knowing that it was the safest way. I didn't know what to think when she leapt at me from across the Cullen's living room. Her face was a blur of emotions. Surprise and fear. Joy and panic. She had experienced another one of her impulsive visions.

"Edward," she breathed, and the name sent the entire household into a flurry. Before I could even exhale, I was surrounded by the family of vampires, each with their own pain etched into their face. There was something else there too. Trepidation. Did anyone dare to hope after so many dead ends?

_I_ still hoped, even if the effort was slowly killing me. Edward _would_ return. He would be saved, and in turn he would save me from this torture that was a life without him.

Seven months is but a blink of an eye to the blessing of an eternal life such granted to vampires. But I was a mere human. When warring with the madness of not knowing what happened to him, I had to claw my meager way through each minute of each day. This internal battle proved to me that I was stronger than I thought; maybe it made me as strong as Edward always believed me to be. Though I felt like a shell of myself, I would bear this for him. I would live up to what he thought he saw in me.

Those seven months trudged by, and now, a vision of Edward had finally come to Alice. He had been absent from her flashes for so long. She had suffered almost as I did, fighting her own mind to lift even a strand of her brother's future. And until that cloudy afternoon in the Cullen home, nothing came.

She didn't see much. She said the image was more scrambled than anything she had seen before. Carlisle readied the family to leave, but Alice stopped him. "They … the ones that took him. They know what we are. They'll be able to track us if we go." Her eyes clouded, and I knew she was shifting through our options. Her eyes slid into a fierce clarity that replenished the dwindled faith in my bones. She looked at me. "Bella will bring him back."

Alice didn't even realize how strongly she was clutching my arms as she spoke, but I didn't care about the quickly-forming ache. Elation so strong it nearly bowled me over was flooding my veins, and as Alice hurried through her jumbled vision, it was decided that I would be the one to retrieve him.

And so I ended up floundering through the dimming night alone. I was angry with myself for not being able to traverse more quickly through the woods. I stumbled and tripped my way across the forest floor, twice face-planting into the mud. I used to see the beauty in the gnarled trees and their protruding roots. Now, they were simply obstacles. They were evil, and my growing desperation made me hate their mere existence. I continued to whisper Edward's name into the settling darkness. He would be able to hear me long before my human senses would ever detect his presence.

I knew better than to second guess Alice, but I was truly unsure about how I was going to find him out in the middle of the woods with no super powers bestowed upon the immortal to aid me. The sun was long gone, and Alice and Carlisle waited nearly a mile away so as not to create a track in which they would alert the unknown dangers. A disgruntled Emmett waited back at home with the others. I had never seen him as upset as when Alice insisted there was no way for him to help Edward and that he couldn't follow me to find him.

"The squirt is going to get herself hurt," he huffed, bulking his massive chest up in determination. "I can get Edward and have us both back before she even finds the forest." He glanced over to me with a grin. "No offense, Bella."

Only Emmett could get away with a sense of humor in even the tensest moments. I loved him for it. But Alice denied him and so he was left behind, grappling with his inability to help his family.

I couldn't tell how long I had been there or even how far I had gone. It was a dream-like state. I felt like I did in nightmares where you know you're trying to run as fast as you can, but you don't seem to be moving at all.

I heard a great owl hooting ominously somewhere overhead. I shook in surprise and my sneaker lost its precarious grip on the boulder I had been trying to maneuver over. I felt my feet slip out from underneath me and I tumbled off the rock and landed butt first into the mud. I hissed in annoyance. Now I was desperate _and_ pissed off. I breathed deeply, trying to expel the feelings and return to my mission. Instead of smelling fresh soil and moss, I smelled … rusty blood.

I checked myself over quickly. I was covered in mud and pine needles, but I didn't feel any new cuts. I crawled over and went to right myself when my fingers came across a warm softness. I gripped tightly. Not rocky earth. Soft skin. Warm skin. I yelped in shock but continued, my hands trekking further along the skin. It was an arm. It was tight and muscular and so familiar to me that my heart started to race. The skin was warm, though, and I dejectedly pushed the excitement from my mind.

My palm came to rest upon the body's back, and I was at once terrified and relieved when I felt a shallow rise and fall, proving the figure alive. "Hello?" I whispered. "Are you okay?"

Cursing the blackness of the night and the moon's decision not to be on my side this night, I fumbled around in my back pocket for my house keys. I always stuck them there, no matter where I went. I dropped the set in the dirt twice before I finally separated a small led light from the keys. I pushed the button on and let the small but powerful beam fall onto the prone figure beside me.

His chest was in a shallow puddle of old rain water, his legs sprawled, and the back of his head faced me. Darkness ebbed all around my shred of light, but I knew that despite the mystifying warmth that radiated from this body that I had found him. Edward lay before me and the realization caused me to lunge. In the quickest movement I had managed to muster all night, I was on top of him, grabbing his shoulders and pressing my fingers into his hair.

"Edward," I whispered. "Edward!"

He didn't stir. I gripped his shoulders and bit my lip as I pulled him onto his back. My breath hitched in my throat. His eyes were closed. Almost every inch of his face was covered in dried blood and filth. Had he recently fed? Shadows clung beneath his closed lids, but his skin was not nearly as pale as I was used to. He _must_ have hunted recently, I decided, but I could not explain away the new warmth to his familiar skin. I pushed his mangled tufts of hair away from his forehead and rocked him in my aching arms, calling his name over and over. I no longer cared that I was sitting in the middle of a black forest and that Alice had sensed in her vision a danger that held malice toward us. My greatest gift and been returned and was lying there in my very arms. It felt like fleeting moments, but my gut feeling led me to assume that I had sat there much, much longer until he finally twitched to life. I gently coaxed him to wake up.

And he did. And my world was swallowed into his eyes, a shade I had never seen before. Green emeralds struggled to gain focus. He blinked harshly and then spoke. My name stumbled over his dry lips, questioning. His voice was but a hoarse whisper, but I revered the sound.

Tears that I had refused so many times were bursting now, smearing the dirt on my face. I pushed them away so that I could try to see him better. I shined my light into his face but he flinched. I released the button and unhappily remained blind for the moment.

"Edward, are you okay?" I felt a minute nod and his muscles struggled beneath his skin as he tried to sit up. Fear tinkered on the outskirts of my mind, trying to tell me something. But for these moments, all I could allow in me was the relief and the purest joy I ever experienced. His long fingers wrapped around the shaking arms that enveloped his frail frame. Those were my arms that shook so harshly.

"Are you okay?" he asked me back, and a sob erupted from the depths of my chest, sounding more bitter than I would have ever wanted. He weakly pushed his face into my shoulder. Fighting the overwhelming desire to lay down beside him right then and there and neglect the world, I cradled the back of his head. "We have to get out of here. Carlisle's waiting with Alice for us."

He made no movement, no response. I only heard labored breathing.

"They're back about a mile. Do you think you can make it? She says the ones that did this to you can sense them. We need to go before they find you again."

"They … won't," he mumbled but pushed himself out of my arms anyway. He seemed to be battling his own body, fighting even to stand. The fear in me did not tinker at the edges any longer. It was dancing viciously in the forefront of my mind. This physical struggle was in no way all right for a vampire. My immortal Edward had never displayed so much as an inkling of discomfort from his perfect body. I now seemed stronger than he was, however. I quivered at the thought.

When were both standing, he leaned down heavily on me. I accepted his weight eagerly. I only wanted to be his crutch in that moment. I would help him. We proceeded along even slower than I had imagined, and he tripped over those evil roots more than I did. Each stumble felt like a dagger to my chest. Something was not right. There was a war raging within me, though. Edward was back, and that was all that mattered to me. How could things not be right if that was true?

I became impatient to be free of the obscurity of the night. Why hadn't Alice come to us? I knew it wasn't safe enough for that, but logic was quickly losing its grasp within me. Edward clutched the side of his chest that leaned into me and winced. I was almost dragging him.

"What I'd give to take one of those hell-raising rides on your back through the forest now, huh?" I grimaced under his weight but giggled in reassurance. I could hear the smallest of chuckles rattle in his chest, but it never quite reached his throat. His fingers grasped at my skin as he fought to keep his balance. Carlisle will fix him, I thought. Certainly, he will fix everything.

"What are you thinking?" I asked after minutes of silence, stealing one of his favorite lines to me.

"You. Only ever about you."

I pulled my face up and kissed the cheek that hovered over me. I tasted dirt and salt and blood. When my lips moved away his face fell wearily onto the top of my head. He breathed in and I felt his nose pushing through the locks of my hair.

"Bella," he moaned. His arm squeezed tightly over my shoulder in a seeming last effort of control and then it limply fell away. His knees buckled and he crumpled to the ground. I followed him down, falling to my knees.

"Don't do this, Edward. You're okay. You're going to be okay," I whispered as I shakily attempted to collect his lanky figure – again unconscious - into my arms. I decided I would drag him if I had to. My adrenaline rush would come. A mother could lift a ton of metal to save her child in the most desperate of moments. I laid him on his back and locked my grasp under his still arms. I dug my heels into the ground and pulled. His head lolled back and we awkwardly inched further. A patience that I never knew dwelled within me now settled over my senses, and I concentrated on the present moment – nothing else. Inch by inch, I moved him. Inch by inch, I dragged him closer to his family and the salvation that they would provide. I freed the hope that I had held caged in my heart out and embraced it. I shoved away my fear over Edward's current state into that cage and thought no more of it. He needed me and I would save him this time. It was my turn.

Minutes or hours fell by. I no longer had a sense of time. Sweat trickled down my temples. My side ached and my breaths were ragged, but I would not even stop to wipe the moisture that collected on my brow. I readjusted my grip on Edward and shifted my weight onto my heels, prepared to heave his weight again when I heard a swift voice behind me.

"We're here, Bella." My breaths and the scratching of my shoes in ground had been the only sound for so long. The voice broke my concentration. It shattered my focus. It scared the hell out of me. I let go of him in surprise, falling unceremoniously onto the ground. Alice's lithe arms encased me, bringing me back to my feet. I looked back to Edward only to find him hanging limply in Carlisle's arms already. Alice hoisted me onto her back and then the wind slapped into my damp face as the blackness swirled around.

She set me back on the ground beside the jeep. The moon had decided to emerge. I wanted to stick my tongue out acidly at its poor timing. _You're too late_, I thought up at it.

"What's wrong with him, Carlisle?" I asked as I saw him loading Edward gingerly into the back seat. My arms ached with the need for his touch, and I crawled into the other side of the vehicle. I lifted his head and let it lay in my lap. I gasped in the dim blue light. His cheeks were sunken in, gashes covered his face and new blood seeped over the dried scarlet. New blood. He was bleeding.

I shook my head determinedly. He couldn't. He wasn't. I stared up at Carlisle and my heart crashed into my stomach as I found fear pouring from his gentle eyes. He looked at Alice who had just hopped into the passenger seat. He looked from his daughter down to his son and then back up to me. He proceeded to speak words that made no more sense to me than if they had been uttered in a foreign language.

"His heart is beating."


	2. Waiting is Painful

I did not measure the ride back to the Cullen's in minutes but in breaths. Three hundred, thirty-three arduous intakes of air. I kept my head low so that I could hear each one. Edward's body flinched involuntarily every few moments, and the action threatened to sober me back into the reality facing me, but I held fast and continued to count. Three hundred, thirty-four. If I focused on this tedious task, then my mind would not wander to the startling abruptions playing out before me. My denial belied this new world. A world where Edward was not the indomitable god I had come to understand and accept. A world that saw him just as vulnerable as any other human being one would come across on any other day.

He had on cotton pants that looked as if they had been gray at one time but were now soiled with dried blood and grimy dirt stains. Strips of the fabric had been heavily shredded. My imagination ran away from me as I tugged at an unraveling thread. I saw Edward fleeing through the forest, his clothes snagging along the twisted branches of the shrubbery. I envisioned such terror on his face that I withered from its heaviness. I allowed my hands to trace along the fine hairs of his bare chest, adamantly avoiding the deep bruises that were quickly forming there.

I protectively tightened my grasp around him, yet again realizing how helpless his sleeping form now was. This weakness horrified me. _Stop it, Bella,_ I chastised. I went back to counting.

Before it registered to me that the car had even stopped, Carlisle already had ejected himself from the driver's seat and was flinging the back door open. He snatched Edward up into his arms, and I was scared because Carlisle did not even bother to mask the fear in his eyes.

I was not allowed upstairs until Edward was examined, and the hours following our return became a blur, at best. Carlisle tended to him upstairs and I writhed inwardly with turmoil downstairs.

Esme periodically checked in with them, but she mostly stayed beside me on the couch. I wanted to ask if this was for my benefit - if she felt the need to comfort me - but then I figured it was just as hard for her to see her son in such a weakened state and not being able to understand why or help him.

"When will he wake up?" Emmett asked from the bottom of the staircase. Alice shook her head.

"I don't see that. I don't see anything about Edward. When I try to focus on him, everything becomes like static. In my head, he's a television station that I don't have the reception for."

I bit my lip harshly and surveyed the somber stone faces around me. His family made no effort to fidget or shift their stoic positions. They were not playing human in vain attempts to comfort me this night. And I had never needed them to before. As I curled myself into a ball and wedged my back into the corner of the couch, however, I wished they _would_ pretend now. I needed their assurance to make me feel that Edward would be okay. That he wasn't static. He needed to be crystal clear or I would break.

I laid my head on the sofa's arm. It wasn't long before I felt a thin blanket being draped over me. I craned my neck in time to see Jasper hovering over me. He tucked the blanket around my shoulders and proceeded to sit down between Esme and me.

At once, I began to feel billows of tranquility flowing from him. I eagerly succumbed to the calm and closed my eyes.

~*~*~*~*~

"Let me in already." I was awkwardly trying to side-step Alice, but it was an ineffective attempt because she held my shoulders. I resorted to bouncing on my toes in the hallway, unable to remain still any longer.

"I will, Bella. I will. But you need to understand some things before you go inside."

I stopped bouncing. Too ominous. Much too ominous for me.

It had been several hours, but the sun was still to rise. I had awoken to a gentle shaking as Esme told me that Edward was conscious and no longer disoriented. I had taken the stairs almost three at a time, and my friend, clumsiness, must still have been asleep, because I did not once stumble. I climbed so quickly - so effortlessly - that I felt the air my movement made as it breezed through my hair. I flew up those stairs.

"Who went and turned you?" Emmett had said with a smirk, approaching the top of the staircase. He had just come from Edward's room. He had exaggerated a long sniff of his nose. "Nope. Definitely still a human. But that was some abnormally graceful footwork for yourself, kiddo." He nodded to me, feigning impressed approval. He had then brushed my shoulder with his fist and retreated downstairs before I could say anything.

Now, I was held at bay, outside of Edward's room. Before our cloudy reunion in the woods, I hadn't seen or heard from him in seven months, and now, he was just on the other side of the grand mahogany door, and Alice held me tight in my place. I glanced down at the doorknob. I yearned to grasp it like I yearned Edward's kisses.

"He's still very weak," Alice began. "Be careful."

I scoffed quietly. _Me_ be careful. With _Edward._

"Something happened to him, and, at the moment, he doesn't have the power that vampires have. He's...." Alice seemed to search for words. Alice was the one person I knew was never at a loss for words.

"He just hasn't regained his strength yet," she decided, almost sounding like she was trying to convince herself as well in the process. I looked down to find that Alice's hand was already on the precious door knob and turning it for me. A cool and gentle hand scooted me through the doorway.

I stepped one foot inside the dim room and I felt him in my bones at once. I could have been floating for all I knew as Edward's very presence pulled me in like a magnet to a refrigerator. I blinked away the mental fog and saw Carlisle hovering over the bed. He was looking at me with one of his gentle smiles, but his eyes betrayed him fiercely. He was still scared. I didn't look down. I was scared too.

"I'm sorry, Bella. He fell asleep again. He seems to be in a very frail state. It's been in and out since we brought him home."

I exhaled loudly and chanced it then; I looked down at Edward and my heart climbed up my throat. I tried gulping it back down. Seeing him again after so many tortured solitary nights nearly bowled me over with ...nearly _every_ emotion I've ever felt. Fear, loss, butterflies. Turmoil, dejection, hope. Love. Pure, pure love. I sucked air into my lungs. These feelings were not concrete, but they sure were making it hard for me to breathe.

I kneeled down on his bed and fumbled around in the sheets for his hand. He seemed peaceful. He seemed all right, so I suppressed my questions and rushed to make contact. I clasped his longer fingers with my much shorter ones, noting that his skin was still a good deal too warm to be his own.

He was still shirtless, and I could see white tape wrapped around his thin chest. His hair was scattered about his head even more crazily than what was normal for Edward, and it was still clotted with dirt and blood. I frowned as I fingered the clumps.

"I cleaned him as much as I could," Carlisle offered at my silent dismay. "We'll have to wait until he's more coherent for him to shower. I don't want to risk any further injury."

"I don't understand," I whispered.

A long silence followed. I broke it with a strangled whimper. I looked at Carlisle tentatively. "What's wrong with Edward?"

I saw the doctor's face contort painfully for a short moment before he righted his features stoically.

"I was only able to retrieve pieces of the story from Edward. He was captured by some special unit of scientists. Very secret. I doubt even the Volturi have heard of them. I certainly didn't know anything like this even existed. They have developed a way of combating vampire kind."

Questions were popping up in my head like red flags, but I couldn't formulate them into words. I just kept shifting through the information Carlisle was piling onto me. Combating?

"It seems as though humans - at least a very private, elite group of humans - know about our existence and have been studying our kind for quite some time. They have come up with a way to fight against a vampire's inhuman strength."

"How?" I was sure I didn't want to know, but I asked anyway.

"By making the vampire human again."

"Th-that's not possible, is it?"

"I never, never would have thought it to be so. But, Edward said he was injected repeatedly during his captivity with some chemical. I can smell it on him. And all the signs...."

Carlisle pressed his palm against Edward's cheek. I stifled a silent sob at the gesture. I never saw him clearer as an utterly devoted father as I did just then. He spoke again, much softer this time. "His skin is warm like yours, Bella. Blood now pumps through his veins; I smell it. His heart beats. I can hardly believe it myself, but everything I see and smell and feel tells me that my boy is human once again."

I blinked. Edward shifted unconsciously in the bed and I gazed back down. He grimaced momentarily before his features slipped back into a peaceful oblivion.

"Fix him," I muttered, still looking at Edward.

"What, Bella?"

I turned back to Carlisle and summoned a fierce determination from my gut. "Change him back," I demanded.


	3. The Distance

It was in the dreary morning light that I acknowledged how selfish a being I truly was. I had claimed myself to be many things before; timid and loyal and at times very reclusive and even inconsistent. But as I sat on the edge of Edward's bed, staring at his languid form, I added _selfish_ to the description of Bella Swan.

Carlisle had politely excused himself moments after my outburst the night prior; he would be researching and contacting covens. He wanted answers to Edward's condition. I wanted him back to his vampire self - strong and impenetrable. Safe.

Edward remained dead to the world throughout the dark morning.

Esme fluttered in and out of the room, now unable to stay away from him for very long. If Alice could tell the future and Edward could read minds, Esme's special gift was to nurture; she breathed motherhood. As I watched her dark wheat hair fall against Edward's chest as she leaned to kiss his forehead, I realized that this immaculate motherliness was what actually humanized her family. She brushed my hand gently and smiled. Though I had my own mother, I was overcome by the desire to simply be one of Esme's children and collapse into her chest and sniffle my fears away as she patted my head. I chose to hide my face shamefully instead.

I knew the high regard Edward held for the human life. And I knew that he currently exhibited signs of indeed being human. I knew these things, yet still I had begged Carlisle to reverse this asinine process without even waiting for Edward's voice to be heard in the matter of his own life. Yes, I was as selfish as they came, and I would not look this heavenly matron in the eye when I wanted nothing more than her son reverted back to his cold, so-called soulless self.

"I know you just want him safe, dear." Esme's voice was so ... taintless. I wanted to be that pure, but I simply could not make myself want this for him. I chose vampire over the fragile human existence. Edward and Eternity. That was my destiny.

It was then that I felt a meager squeeze around my wrist; Edward's fingers contracted against my hand. Itches of exhilaration tugged at my skin as I allowed my gaze to travel from his quivering hand to his weary face. I immediately covered my mouth when I heard myself gasp. I had forgotten about those eyes. Edward was awake and blinking furiously, but the profound green winningly shone through the cloudiness that lurked in his features.

Esme was a statue on the other side of the bed, neither moving nor breathing as she waited.

His eyelids flickered, seemingly fighting for control over his vision. He appeared to conquer that battle a few moments later as his eyes snapped fully open and became unbelievably more vibrant than before. His eyebrows furrowed as he focused on me. I held my breath.

His dry lips cracked into a weak grin, and the smile was my undoing. My eyes welled up in relief. The tears seemed to confuse him.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

I tried to laugh, but it escaped as a deflated sigh. Nothing. A little bit of everything. "You scared me. Are you all right?"

He swallowed harshly and nodded. I grabbed my glass of ice water beside the bed and pushed it up to his lips. "Your throat must be dry," I said.

I glanced at Esme. Her face was lined in apprehension as she watched me tilt the glass and allow the clear liquid to seep into his throat. He gulped it down; his body craved the water. It was just another vision of the new truth. His body responded as human. This realization sent Esme into full-on-mother-mode. Compared to his former self, Edward was now as vulnerable as a baby chick, and Esme seemed ready to pull him under her wing at any moment. She caressed his face between her pale hands as I pulled the now empty glass away from his lips.

Edward leaned back into the pillows and looked at Esme. He smiled serenely and stared up at her. "I can't hear your thoughts," he said.

"Carlisle is trying to find more answers, Edward. Tell me the truth. How do you feel?"

"Content."

"What of your physical pains?"

"It is nothing that I can't handle. I'm merely tired. I didn't know the pull of sleep could be so alluring." He turned to gaze at me, and I felt his fingers tighten around my wrist again. A few strands of bronze fell into his face, and the dark blots of dirt and blood in his hair became apparent again.

"Are you strong enough to shower?" I asked. I slipped one of my hands out of his grasp and started to reach for the stray patch of hair that now brushed over his eyes. "I ... could help?" I practically asked rather than stated my suggestion in a meek utterance. Edward frowned and appeared to hesitate.

"I think it would be better if Esme helped me for now." I pulled my hand back before it ever reached his face.

I nodded silently and looked down at our intertwined fingers, angry at myself when I felt the warm moisture of rejection pooling at the corners of my eyes.

"Bella," he started. I nodded quickly but didn't look up.

"It's okay. I understand," I whispered. But I didn't really understand. He had never been timid about his body before. I excused myself and left the room before the burning tears could well over onto my cheeks. Edward called my name again.

"I'll be back when you're finished," I merely called over my shoulder and then I stuttered down the stairs.

When I entered the kitchen, Jasper was setting large paper bags on the island counter.

"Alice and I went shopping for groceries," he said. "We figured he might need to ... eat later." Jasper looked at me and tilted his head, obviously processing the wave of emotions that were drifting from me. I stopped and took inventory myself. Rejection and jealousy seemed to push through to the forefront. I cringed. What a creature, I was.

"He needs you. Don't lose sight of that, Bella."

"Can you feel him now?" I asked Jasper, ignoring his statement. I never talked with Jasper about his gift, and I didn't know much about it. He shook his head.

"Carlisle guesses it's from the chemicals mixed in his blood that interferes. I can't sense his emotions at all. Just like Alice can't see visions that involve him. Not since the one that lead us to find him in the woods."

"I don't like that, Jasper. He's not protected. If you can't sense him and Alice can't see him...."

"He will be okay, Bella. How do other humans live without vampires watching over them? How did you come into your own before we ever showed up? People have existed without the need for psychic powers."

I wasn't convinced but I started rummaging through the paper bags without argument.

"Alice said something about the soup you made for Charlie when he got sick a few months ago," he told me as he waved his hands over the bags.

"Where is Alice anyway?"

"She's hunting with Emmett. She wanted to spend some time outside the house for awhile. Not being able to see Edward in visions is as upsetting to her as it is to you."

I nodded as Jasper excused himself. I put a pot of water to boil and began chopping celery. The task of cooking usually calmed me, but the methodic actions felt anxiety-ridden this time.

~*~*~*~*~

An hour later, the soup was assembled and sitting in the fridge, waiting to be heated. I went upstairs and into the room I had been staying in that week. I pulled out simple dark gray lounge pants and a small navy blue tee-shirt. I showered and toweled my hair dry. When I reentered the hallway, Esme was just approaching, a large smile on her face.

"Edward's all yours now," she said. "Thank you for letting me have my time with him."

"Oh. Esme. You don't have to leave. I know he's - this is just as important to you."

"I am fine, dear. I absolutely adore tending to Edward. It's not often that one of my children is in need of assistance. But I know he wants you right now. Go to him."

I nodded and as she hugged me and disappeared down the hall. I played with a strand of my still damp hair as I walked to his door and pushed it open.

Edward was sitting up in the bed now, leaning straight against the headboard. He had a thin white tee-shirt on, and he was watching me with another one of those knee-wobbling-worthy grins. I ambled into the room guardedly, stopping at the foot of the bed with a timid smile.

"Are you scared of me?" Edward asked and the daftness of his question changed my smile from timid to goofy.

"Of course I'm not scared of you, Edward." I now noticed the worry crinkling his features, though. "Don't be foolish." I climbed onto the bed and knelt by his feet.

"Good," he said and his smile returned. "Because there would definitely be something quite off about you, Bella, if you were not scared of me before but afraid of me now as I am in this state."

"I'll never be afraid _of_ you," I sighed. "Just afraid _for_ you."

He opened his arms and held them out toward me. "Come here." I climbed on all fours the rest of the way and slid carefully down beside him, tingling as his arms encased me. I rested my head on his shoulder. I smelled the freshness of his skin. Soapy clean.

"I didn't want even Esme to help me shower," he confessed quietly.

"You don't have to explain," I started.

"Yes I do, because I know I upset you. I'm not used to ... being taken care of in that manner. It is a little humiliating. I don't want you to see me in that way."

"Do you like to take care of me?" I asked.

"Of course. I cherish it."

"I will cherish taking care of you then. I only want to help."

"Yes. I understand that. I'm sorry."

His voice was a little husky. I noticed it completely now. Gone was the musical perfection laced in his words, but a distinct beauty still remained.

"Can you tell me what happened while you were gone?"

"Will you wait until later?" He asked in gentleness. "I just got back to you and I want nothing more than to just indulge myself with you." His hand came up to my cheek and caressed my skin.

"But Edward. You disappeared. You were gone for almost seven months. After Italy and the Volturi, I never wanted to be apart from you again. And then you were gone."

Tears started welling in my eyes at the mere recollection of the past months I had spent without him. I felt him grip my body harder. His forehead pushed against mine.

"I am so sorry," he whispered and his voice was shaky. It was not his fault that he had been taken; nonetheless, I could not make the raw hurt diminish.

"I vowed never to leave you again, Bella. And I failed." A drop of wetness splashed on my cheek. A _warm_ drop of wetness. I pulled my face away to look up at him. I felt my lips separate in awe as I took in another wonder of the world that I surely never earned. Edward's eyes were wet and a glistening trail of tears slid down each of his cheeks. I swallowed a lump of hardness as I stared at something that I had come to accept would never happen.

Edward was crying. Actually crying. I touched my fingers to his wet skin and absorbed his wetness, overcome by the moment. I felt his breath; it was warm. This was so new to me. Without hesitation I placed my fingers to my lips, tasting his tears. I shivered. He watched me; his eyes seemed so full of pain.

I kissed him then. Hard and needy. He kissed back through strangled sobs. Our tears married each other. I relished in the scratch of his stubble as my cheek rubbed his.

He pulled back suddenly and I fought my own desire to simply push myself against him again. His eyes were closed and his face still looked pained. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" I asked, now alarmed because I had forgotten his injuries.

A small smile played onto his lips. "I never thought the day would come that I would hear you say that to _me_." He opened his eyes and shook his head slowly. "No, Bella. You didn't hurt me. I'm just so accustomed to pulling away from you when things get too ... intense."

"Do you still have that craving?"

"Absolutely not. I don't lust for your blood. That torturous burn is gone. Some habits are hard to break, though."

I smiled and moved to sit up. I crossed my legs beside him.

"What about Charlie? Does he know you're here?"

"He knows _I_ am. I'm staying the week with Alice. He thinks you're in Alaska. Where you've been for the last several months." I explained the lie we had to conjure to cover his unexpected absence.

I held up his arm, inspecting the differences in his skin. He was no longer unearthly translucent, but he was still pale like me. His veins were far less noticeable under the creamy skin. I traced my fingers up his arm and he flinched when I reached the bend. I looked up at him.

"That actually tickled," he said in surprise. I grinned and went back to my observations, folding that piece of information up and tucking it in the back of my mind for later. So, Edward was ticklish.

I pushed the sleeve of his tee-shirt up and fingered a small scar. I saw that Edward was looking down at it and I stared at him in question.

"What is this from?"

"I don't know. It is from when I was actually human, I'm sure. My transformation into a vampire converted my skin into a cold armor, but apparently it merely covered my imperfections. It looks like I carried more from my human life than I ever knew. It was just hidden."

I was excited by this news. Edward seemed saddened by it. Then I realized he didn't remember his human life well at all. He did not know what this scar came from, and therefore he did not know a piece of himself.

"It's from the chicken pox," I stated suddenly. It looked like a pox mark to me anyway. "You must have had the chicken pox as a boy," I said. I watched him stare at the mark, pensively considering my assumption.

I removed the sheet from his body, revealing his legs. He had blue boxers on. Before I could touch his thigh, the sheet floated back down over him.

"Stop looking," he said meekly.

"Why? I'm curious."

"You might not like what you see."

"That's not possible, Edward."

"You fell in love with me when I was formed perfectly. This," he waved his hand over himself. "This is _not_ perfection."

I scoffed openly. "You scolded me all those times for not seeing myself clearly, and I - plain Bella Swan - had to stand _next_ to you and your very inhuman perfection. You _will_ let me see." I patted his knee and winked. When I saw his lips curl up, I once again removed the sheet and proceeded.

His bare legs were not as muscular and defined as they were. They were fair and almost skinny. I noticed another scar, linear, just below his right knee. I touched the raised tissue.

"This one," I spoke, "is from falling out of a tree when you were seven. That must have been some tree."

"Must have been," Edward agreed with a laugh. And we continued like that for almost an hour, creating memories of a childhood that he would never be able to recapture.

I noticed his eyelids droop finally. "You should eat before you rest some more."

"Can we wait before I try to eat something? I really don't know how my stomach will take it. I just ... I really just want to sleep." He rubbed his eyes as I pulled the sheet and then a blanket over his lower half.

"All right. I'll be back in a while then. I want to see if Carlisle has found out anything."

"No, Bella. Please stay with me." He grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me down. I hid the worried frown I felt beginning to surface when I realized he was not strong enough to even hold me in my place, let alone pull me to him. I crawled beside him, and he began to situate the blankets so that they would cover both of us.

As we began to settle down into the bed, Edward said, "Don't be in such a rush to find out what's wrong with me. I feel fine as is, Bella. Isn't this ... Couldn't this be better?"

"Please don't say that, Edward. It's not natural for a vampire to be changed like you have been. We don't know if it's even safe."

It was Edward's turn to scoff. "Vampires are not natural to begin with."

"And please don't use the M-word," I added.

"It's what I am or what I was. Or what you want me turned back into, Bella. Don't ever forget the Monster I am."

I wanted to be angry at him for his line of thinking. I only felt an ache lingering through my insides when I knew he sincerely believed himself to be so wretched.

"Enough talk. Just relax." I patted his arm and listened to his breathing become even.

I thought he had fallen asleep when he whispered, "I want to stay as I am ... for you. With you."

He fell into a deep sleep soon after. Then, and only then, did I start to cry.

I closed my eyes. In the distance, framed by pitch-black storm clouds and dotted with gnarling trees, I saw it. A winding path with a fork in the road.


	4. TeeterTotter

"We're going on a picnic," Edward declared as he opened the overloaded kitchen cabinet, inspecting the inventory of items. There had always been too much food, but now that there were two people in the house actually eating, Esme and Alice had made sure the pantries were chock-full. Food was packed like sardines everywhere I turned.

"Did Carlisle clear this little excursion?" I asked casually, hopping onto a stool. The sun was holding its own today as I saw the morning beams of light filter through the large picture window. Edward cast a warning glare over his shoulder before again rummaging through bags of chips and granola bars.

"I've been shut inside the house for five days. I need to get outdoors. Now."

I fingered the woven picnic basket on the table as I watched him flounder about the kitchen. I overcame the urge to laugh as I realized he truly had no idea of what he was actually doing. I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bowl of apple chicken salad that I had made yesterday afternoon when Edward was asleep.

After quelling the ingrained urge to retch at the intake of food, Edward had learned to understand his body's regained need for the nourishment. I fed him chicken noodle soup that first night. After that, we experimented with eggs, noodles, fish, and he even tried to eat some steak the previous evening. I tried to stay away from making anything spicy or highly acidic. Carlisle said that his body could still be adjusting; his digestive tract obviously had not gotten much use at all in decades. Edward seemed to enjoy whatever was on his plate, though. Despite only a few onsets of nausea, I thought he did very well, actually anticipating these simple tastes - tastes he had never craved before now.

He held up a loaf of bread and pointed at the bowl in my hands with a questioning crease in his brows. I nodded in approval. "Yes, we're going to make sandwiches. Cut some slices of watermelon while I put these together."

He smirked and handed me the bread. "This is lovely," he said.

"What is?"

"This is. You and I, preparing a meal together." He beamed down at the green melon he had just rolled in front of him. He cut through the hard rind. The sweet pink slush emerged and juice rolled down his long fingers. I smiled to myself and glimpsed up at his mirthful face.

"Yeah. It _is_ lovely, isn't it?" These simple moments that I sometimes tended to overlook were the second chances Edward thought would never come.

Carlisle entered the kitchen then. "What do we have here?" he asked, practically gliding over to us.

"We're taking a hike into the woods and having lunch," Edward answered.

"Unless you think he should still take it easy," I added as I plopped two spoonfuls of chicken salad onto a bread slice. I looked up and met Carlisle's gaze. He diplomatically looked from me to Edward.

"How do you feel, son?"

"Splendid," he contested and smirked down at me. I rolled my eyes. Of course. I set the spoon down and implored Carlisle, forcing my eyes to widen in innocence. He seemed to understand.

"Your wounds _are_ healing noticeably slower than normal - even for a human. I don't want any setbacks to your health, Edward."

Edward's lips tightened into a firm line, and I could tell that he did not like this attention. He continued cutting the watermelon without responding.

"Have you figured out anything more on the group that did this?" I asked tentatively. A loud chop reverberated through the air as Edward shoved the knife harshly through the last slice and connected with the cutting board.

"No. As far as I can uncover, the only way to revert the process and change Edward back is through re-introduction of venom."

"Like the way he was originally changed?"

"Like the way we are all changed," Carlisle replied.

"I am right _here_," Edward fumed, upset he was being talked about. His hands gripped the edges of the counter, and the white color that his knuckles now took on reminded me of the pale flesh I was most familiar with.

"Bella, I want you to drop this. Right now. I'm not ready to talk about it."

I blanched at the sharpness in Edward's tone. I bit my lip in a trivial attempt at calming my features. Edward closed his eyes and Carlisle narrowed his in concern.

"I feel Edward is fit enough to spend the day outside. Just stay with him, Bella. And make sure your cell phone is charged and with you and at all times in order to be safe."

He winked gently at me and brushed Edward's shoulder before leaving the two of us to our throbbing silence.

I finished the sandwiches, wrapped them in cling wrap and wordlessly handed the roll over to Edward. He took it from me, echoing the speechlessness. I placed the sandwiches and a bag of chips into the basket. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Edward struggling with the roll of plastic. He had peeled only a long strip of cling wrap from the cylinder, no more than an inch wide. He was inspecting it closely, trying to find the seam where it had split.

I walked over to the freezer and pulled out the bag of peanut butter cookies that Esme and I had baked. I heard a small thud behind me and a muted curse from Edward. I turned in time to see him retrieve the fallen plastic roll and once more begin to study it intensely. I bit my lip again, this time to stifle the laugh bouncing up my throat. He was so immersed in the puzzle of extracting a decent sheet of plastic, he didn't notice me staring as he fumbled with the roll.

His eyes glistened briefly as he finally managed find the edge and unroll a marginal amount. He smiled victoriously and ripped the piece from the remainder of the roll only to find that it was now bunching together before he could actually use it to wrap up the fruit. In his attempts at pulling it apart, it only adhered to itself more.

He almost growled, and I could take no more. I erupted into a fit of giggles as Edward glared at the wad of cling wrap, desperately trying to spread it back apart.

"Why is it sticking to _itself_?" he asked in exasperation. After a final try at fighting against the static, he admitted defeat. "This is utterly ridiculous." Rolling the now useless plastic into a ball, he cast a furtive glance at me and then his face broke into a smile too.

His eyes told me that he was ashamed and sorry, neither emotion I felt him justified to feel. I stepped over and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I am too. I know how hard this is. It's so confusing."

"Can't we just enjoy this for now? See where it takes us?"

"We can. For now anyway."

He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me hard in his arms before releasing me. I smiled up at him before wrapping the slices of watermelon myself, again giggling over the fight that saw Edward Cullen defeated by the cling wrap.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Edward and I drove through the winding mountain roads in a cheerful quietness. He wouldn't stop smiling, and I wouldn't stop staring at him. I had never felt such ... freedom ... like the freedom that was radiating from his body now as he hugged the turns.

I chanced a look down at the speedometer and the flickering needle's place forced me to gasp. The sound snapped Edward from his revelry.

"What's wrong?"

"Slow down!" He was nearing eighty miles.

"But I always drive this-" His words were cut short and vulgarly screeching tires filled all the previous silent spaces. I felt his right hand jut out instinctively across my chest as he struck the breaks, slamming them as we swerved around a fallen massive thirty foot tree branch and fish-tailed from the abrupt change in speed. The Volvo spun out and jerked violently to a stop.

I could smell burnt rubber. I heard Edward's breathing, escaping just as rapidly as my own. His arm was still protectively pressed against me like a bar on an amusement park ride, but it was shaking viciously now. I looked to his face and saw that he was practically gawking at me, his trepid eyes wider than I could ever remember seeing them in all of our time together.

"I'm okay," I whispered shakily, reading the fear in his features. "I'm okay."

He struggled with his seat belt, shoved his door open, and raced around the car. I watched him through the windshield; he moved so haphazardly that he almost slipped on the wet pavement. He came around to my door and ripped it open, and then he was touching my face with one hand and unbuckling my seat belt with the other. He grabbed my shoulders; he tilted my neck. He felt at my collarbone and held up my arms, pushing at the long green sleeves to reveal my skin. "I'm okay," I told him, and my voice was full again and steady. I breathed in calmly.

He didn't hear me though; he wasn't listening. I cupped his face, though he seemed not to notice, his eyes still diligently searching for signs of injury. "Edward!" I almost shouted as I shook his face in my hands. His eyes seemed to clear and focus on mine then.

"I. Am. Okay. Stop this. We're _okay_."

He let out a weak breath and sunk down to his knees between me and the car door. I saw that damn guilt gathering in his features again like wicked clouds forming a storm, and so I cradled his head into my lap.

"I ... wasn't thinking. Bella, I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right, Edward. You just have to drive slower now. You can't sense everything like before. You're just not used to it."

"I could have hurt you. I didn't think. I can't........"

"Please, stop. It hurts me so much when you're upset," I begged him. He pulled himself up and I stepped out of the car beside him.

"I'll drive for awhile," I stated.

Edward looked like he would argue but then tightened his frown and nodded quickly. "We should turn around and go home."

"No, there is a picnic to be had, Edward," I urged. He hesitantly shrugged and ushered me to the driver's side. I tried hard not to roll my eyes as he fastened my seat belt for me. His actions were unnecessary, but I understood that they were important to him, and that made me surge with silly pleasure, so I let it be. He shut my door and then quickly occupied the passenger side.

The sense of his freedom had dissipated, and Edward's face was left a clouded haze of darkness for the rest of the trip.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Wait," I called to Edward. I reached into the backseat and retrieved his navy blue jacket. The sun had promised itself in the morning, but I hadn't seen it since we left the house. The wind was blowing and sprays of mist were floating around us.

Edward came up beside me silently, his hands shoved into his jean pockets and his head tilted down against his chest. "You need this now," I reminded him, and he looked up at the jacket that I now held open for him. His lips curled ever so hopefully, and he eyed me with apprehension. I swallowed back a pang of guilt. I wondered how I could stand against a fate that Edward seemed so sincerely desirous of. I helped him push his arms through the sleeves, and I smiled despite myself. The piece of material was no longer for show, and he wore it like a regal cloak, an Olympic medal. I zipped him up, and he pumped his arms back and forth across his chest, smirking.

"Warmth," he muttered. He buttoned up _my_ jacket for me then and moved his hands up to my forehead. I felt him twirl my baby hairs that I was sure were frizzing up from the moist weather.

We hiked through a small patch of conifers. Despite my acute protesting, Edward managed to wrestle the picnic basket from me, and he carried both that and a backpack.

I have never been called an observant being. Forest looked like forest. But this specific area left an unsettling case of déjà vu trilling just below my skin. I brushed the feeling away from my attention as I fell into step with a silent Edward, who was still brooding over the near accident an hour ago. He kept his head down and maneuvered carefully over the uneven ground. He looked seventeen. Human. He looked like a boy that belonged firmly to this world. I shivered. A boy easily could be swallowed up by that same world in less than a heartbeat. The unyielding vampire would not succumb so easily, I knew. I felt the urge heating my body again. I fought it off, pleading with it to abate for awhile longer. A standoff was on the horizon, but please ... not just then. Edward wasn't ready. Nor was I.

We stepped out into a large clearing. Another stretch of forest sprawled several hundred yards away. I debated on the significance of this place. It seemed too familiar.

"Have we been here before?" I asked as I hurried to catch up to Edward, who was already rolling out the thick blanket and letting it come to rest on a thick patch of glossy wet grass.

Edward looked out over the field. "I've never taken you here," he said quickly. He took my hand and I settled into a cross-legged position on one of the blanket's corners. He folded down and mimicked my body posture.

I opened the basket and began pulling out items when I heard a triumphant laugh from Edward. I looked over to see his arms extended out in front of him. He turned his hands in front of his face as he seemed to admire them. He was smiling proudly, and I squinted into the sky. The sun had appeared, and Edward's skin was not sparkling. No diamonds. The only gems were two big emeralds glistening blissfully as his eyes took in the normalcy of the human skin in sunlight. His grin was wide now as he pushed the sleeves of his jacket up and flipped his arms up for me to see. He eyed me expectantly, and the almost giddy grin on his face burned away at the self-loathing expression he had imprinted on my memory the very first time I had ever seen him under the sunlight. "The skin of a killer," he had said. He had believed.

"You're _truly_ happy," I mouthed the revelation. He climbed to his knees and nearly tackled me, guiding us both down to the blanket.

"Yes, because I can kiss you hard like this." His lips pressed down against mine with arousing roughness. My heart sped up in surprise. I still couldn't get used to his sudden advances. Before, each move he made around me seemed calculated and painstakingly cautious.

"Because not every moment is tainted with struggle. I don't have to restrain myself with you, Bella." He pushed past my lips and I passionately pushed through his. My fingers were twisting through his hair; I felt his all knotted up in mine. He was practically crushing my chest. He melded into me, and it felt warm and exceptionly harsh, sweet and wonderfully safe all at once.

"We are okay now," he whispered heatedly into my ear and I gripped onto him for dear life.

"We have to be," I said just as softly, "because I can't lose you again."

He rolled off of me, and we both stared up at the sky, shoulders touching. We were motionless for a good length of time, it felt, as the thin-ice gray clouds seemed to be the only movement in the world in that time. Edward was not ashamed or guilty or struggling with inward darknesses. He was simply happy, and that was all I knew was important.

It might have been an hour before I heard one of our stomach's growl; I was pretty sure it was Edward's because I saw a creep of crimson rush his cheeks. I felt my own face warm at the sight. Beautiful. "Mine's ready to rumble any minute, too," I told him, patting his shoulder as he laughed.

I handed him a sandwich. "Now. Do you want me to unwrap it for you? Or have you and the cling wrap made amends?" He growled playfully at me and we both laughed and ate our lunch. I took the slice of watermelon and held it up to his lips. He bit tentatively, and I saw him testing the texture as he rolled the fruit in his mouth. He smiled.

"Marvelous," he said after swallowing. I continued feeding him, laughing as the juice ran down his chin. He licked my fingers and I shivered in delight. It was the best picnic I had ever had. Then it was interrupted by a big, burly bear.

"All right, you two. It's time to wrap up this little picnic in Eden. Alice says a storm's coming in." Emmett's brimming voice made me shoot up straight as an arrow from Edward's arms. In the split second before my mind registered fully what was going on, I almost slapped at Edward's arm for not telling me his brother was there, but it was just a split second. I realized my line of thinking and reminded myself that Edward could not sense these things any better than I could anymore.

"What are you doing here?" Edward spat angrily, staggering to his feet. His footing faltered a little but he steadied himself before falling back down onto the blanket.

Emmett walked further from the trees where we had first emerged with his hands held up in mock surrender, a guilty grin twitching on his face. "I wanted to make sure everyone was safe. That's all."

I smiled, almost completely over my embarrassment of what Emmett might have seen or heard. Emmett had been worried for his brother and that made my heart swell a little. Edward was not so easily swayed.

"There was hardly the need! I did not ask for your help, Emmett. Nor did I want it."

"Edward," I tugged at his shirt before standing up to join him. A kind of realization flashed in his face, and his eyes seemed to calm considerably. He clenched his jaw and shook his head sharply.

"I didn't mean to be...." Edward said, softer now.

"Hey, man. That's fine. It's not like I was listening to you guys. I just kept a good distance so that I knew where you were. But we need to get back." He jabbed his thumb to the right and I took in the black clouds rolling in.

Edward was looking to the ground, considering something. "It was probably for the best. Thank you," he gritted out angrily, but I caught the gentle and grateful glance Edward gave his brother.

"I just need a few minutes to myself. I need to sort some things out. _Please_, stay with Bella until I get back," Edward squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek, picked up his backpack, and began to amble across the clearing to the other side of the woods.

I stared after him warily. Emmett came up beside me and I leaned into his magnitude. "He'll be okay, squirt. He just needs to gain his bearings. I know he'll come out on the right side of things."

I nodded but I couldn't form any words. I settled for the cold but comforting embrace of brotherly Emmett. I was lost, not knowing which way was right, best, or even safe.

We were on a teeter-totter. Edward on one side and I on the other. Up and down we were going, and we were going much, much too fast.


	5. It was a Choice

This was the night that I would do to Edward something I had never been able to fathom myself capable of before. Earlier that day, I had been curled up with him on a blanket under the soft Washington sun, enjoying watermelon and the new world we found ourselves in. By the end of the night, I would be holding broken pieces of my heart as the rain pelted painfully into my skin. I recalled all that happened in between this one day.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I was leaning against Edward on the Cullen's living room couch. I tried to focus on the movie but the rise and fall of Edward's chest proved to be much more mesmerizing. The thumping of his born-again heart, though faint to my human ears, lulled me into my current dreamy state. His arm coiled around the shape of my shoulders. He held a piece of my hair, and he was curling and re-curling it around his index finger.

Soon, dinner would be ready, but I felt hesitant to move away from the safe warmth that our two bodies created while meshed together in the corner of the world that was Esme's lush white sofa.

"I want to try that."

"What?" I asked, lifting my head as he pointed at the television. A young boy was rollerblading through a crowded city street, pushing past shrieking heels and hollering suits.

"You want to go skating?"

"I want to _try_," he corrected. I gaped at him.

"You never...?"

"No. I don't remember ever doing so when I was alive anyway."

"And in all these years?"

Edward let a laugh fly, but when the sound ended sharply, I knew it lacked sincerity; it was edged with a bitterness that made me realize my own naivety.

"In between the birth of crazed blood thirst and the exhilaration of actually being faster than a speeding car, it must have slipped my mind. No, silly Bella. I have not tried to skate since becoming a vampire. It would have come too easily to me as a vampire anyway."

The smile sweetened his hard-lined face as he grinned down at me. I smiled shyly back, pushing my hair behind my ears. Rain assailed the line of floor-to-ceiling length windows. Lightning flashed so brightly that I saw it reflect off of Edward's face. A booming clap followed, which made me shake in his arms. He jumped a little too, his muscles tensing against me.

"It is odd to see the lightning before hearing the thunder," he said quietly.

"Um, that's how it usually goes, you know," I smirked quizzically. "Light travels faster than sound."

"At least it does to the human experience, my dear," he replied with a mock smugness.

"Do you miss them terribly?"

He slipped his fingers between the fabric of his blue turtle neck, tugging it away from his throat. "Miss what?"

"Your powers. Surely it must be like living with an impediment after having them for so long," I guessed.

"No, it's not like that. I enjoy this quiet."

"And your sight?" I pressed on as I fingered the corners of his eyes. I smiled at his eyelashes. Precious. No other way to explain the bubbling sensation in my chest whenever I watched them flutter and brush against his cheek every time he closed his eyes.

"I guess it's like putting on really dark sunglasses. Nothing is as clear and precise or as bright as I'm used to. But this fits too.... This feels familiar enough. I am becoming accustomed to it."

"Do you see me differently?" I asked, surprised by own timid voice. I truly wondered. His vision was not as clear, so he didn't see every detail as he had once been able to. Every uneven color in my skin. Every dry patch and every blemish that had reared its ugly adolescence-reminding head. He had been able to see every detail like one of those punishingly magnifying make-up mirrors. Maybe a blurrier vision of me would be better. I would be air-brushed Bella in his eyes compared to what he saw before with super vision.

"You are Bella," he said matter-of-factly and pulled his face further away from mine, and I saw him study with fierce eyes. I looked away uncomfortably, but he just grasped my chin and tilted me right back to him. "You are _Bella_, and you are the most rapturously beautiful creature I have ever seen. Just as it was before."

I wanted to roll my eyes, and oddly, at the same time I wanted to shout out my exuberance to the forests surrounding us. Edward saw me as beautiful. Butterflies were knocking themselves out against the inside of my stomach.

His lethargic eyelids pulled me out of my daze. The picnic earlier probably wore him out. He fought against the scratchy fabric of his shirt again, struggling to put space between his skin and the clingy collar. I pulled him out of the seat, surprised at his weight; he made little effort to follow my lead and I ended up dragging him to his feet.

"I have an idea," I urged him with a peck on his cheek. I felt the arch of his lips curving into a smile against my skin before I pulled back, and then we made our way slowly upstairs.

I glanced around the room until my eyes came across a neat line of shopping bags against the right wall. I had asked for only a few items, but I should have known better when asking Alice for a favor in this field. Sighing, I left Edward at the door and shuffled through one of the bags.

"What is all that?" I heard Edward ask from behind me. His gravelly voice sounded far away.

"You never dress for comfort. At least, you never needed to before. Now, you really should." I turned and flung at him a pair of black sweats and a thin gray, all-cotton tee shirt. He eyed them hesitantly.

"I don't think I've ever sworn sweats," he wondered out loud. I simply shook my head and pointed to the bathroom, silently instructing him to change.

I stood in the center of the room and waited, dwelling on how much I missed the instantaneous actions he was capable of before. I picked up Edward's backpack from the corner of the room and unzipped it, preparing to unpack the items he had brought with him earlier. I pulled out a spare blanket, a pack of unopened gum, and an unfamiliar box the size of a pencil case. I fingered it curiously before deciding to return everything to the bag. The delayed thought that maybe Edward didn't want me rifling through his things became apparent now. I would have to ask him about the pencil case later.

A loud smacking sound came from the bathroom, followed by a muffled growl of pain. I ran to the door. "Edward?"

"It's fine," I heard him call out. "I just stubbed my toe." He opened the door and reentered the bedroom with a small limp.

"Remember when I did that one night in my room? I told you that can really sting." I recalled the night - one of so many - that Edward had spent with me in my room. I had sprinted across the room, intending on gracefully leaping onto the bed and landing on his thin, cool, and elegant body. I caught the chair to my desk and smashed my baby toe instead. Rather than _me_ gracefully flying into his arms, _Edward_ was gracefully carrying me to the bed that night. I decided against mentioning his sly remark about what a frail human I was. His words had been peppered with kisses then and I took no offense. But something told me if I reminded him of exactly how frail he himself had come to be, he would not take it as well.

"I guess I was just having a Bella moment," he surmised of his clumsiness as he rubbed his foot. I smacked at his arm playfully.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Seemingly always," he chuckled as he led us down to his family.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Gathering at the grand table was odd, but it was oddly pleasant too. I sat next to Edward, who sat next to Emmett. Jasper, Alice, and Esme sat across from us. Carlisle was at the head. Rosalie was still away in France, where she had been before Edward was found. She had followed what we thought was one of many leads on Edward's whereabouts, but once we found him, she decided she wasn't ready to come back. Emmett told me she was happy that Edward was home, and Alice told me she wasn't ready to face Edward in his new state. She wanted humanity more than the others and I surmised that Rosalie was jealous of what had come over her brother.

The table was laden with extraneous amounts of food - too abundant for only two people to eat. I devoured the succulent lemon tilapia on my plate and moved on to the buttered broccoli. Edward sat beside me, scooping the food up in much the same satiating manner. Esme looked us over in satisfaction. Emmett watched in amazement. "Slow down, brother. The way you're attacking that food almost makes me hungry."

Alice nudged Jasper and proceeded to slice open a baked potato. She buttered it and then slid it between Edward and I as they looked on with interest. I rolled my eyes, suddenly feeling like a circus attraction. Edward didn't seem to notice the attention, however, as he caught sight of the potato. He stopped spearing his fish and eyed the starch briefly before digging out a spoonful from the center and shoving it into his mouth. A moment later, he smiled in satisfaction.

Jasper laughed. "I guess table manners were lost somewhere along the way. Give me a roll." Emmett snatched up a piece of bread and flung it at his brother. He grinned and watched Jasper sneak the roll onto Edward's plate.

"It's like watching little kids playing with a stray puppy," Esme noted.

"You remember daring me to eat that jelly donut when we were living in Alaska?" Emmett asked Edward. "I was laughing so hard that when I finally bit into it, I spewed lemon filling all over Rosalie and she nearly took my head off." Jasper and Alice broke into musical laughter at the memory. I smiled at their happiness and looked to Edward, who had slowed his chewing and continued to stare down at his plate. The laughter died.

Edward looked up, and his weathered smile was met with cautious ones from his siblings. He shook his head. "No, I actually don't remember that." He faced down again and picked at the roll Jasper had placed on his plate.

There it was again. That panicky swell in my chest. I instructed myself to breathe calmly. I must not have listened very well because Carlisle placed his gentle hand over my now clammy one. He noticed my sudden fear.

"It is understandable," he spoke to everyone. "Edward's memory is not as capable as before. It's all right, son. Perfectly normal."

Edward nodded sharply but kept his head down. I didn't enjoy seeing him uncomfortable, and so I changed the subject.

"Will you come with me to Port Angeles on Tuesday, Edward? I need to help Angela with some things for the Annual Carnival that she's volunteering for. I'll even let you drive my truck," I prodded jokingly. I was relieved when he finally looked up at me.

"Why not the Volvo?"

"I miss the truck."

"Bella, if your car were a horse, we'd have to shoot it."

I feigned shock, but the way he stared at me with a warm smile and copper locks of hair brushing over his prominent brows just made me melt away.

"My truck has lasted this long. It's practically bulletproof."

"Yeah. As bulletproof as Edward's ugly face is now," Emmett jibed. I was sure Alice kicked at him under the table.

"Edward is not an ugly person," she said, giving me a comforting look. I shrugged the sibling banter off.

"Just a very beautiful monkey," Emmett laughed, rubbing his shoulder to Edward's. To our surprise, Edward chuckled too. The mood was lifted, and I enjoyed a family dinner with the Cullen's that seemed all too comfortingly human.

It was over the cherry pie that things took a veering turn into reality. I watched Edward chew in silence. He lifted his head to me. His face carried heavy lines of darkness. He looked more exhausted than he had seemed any time the entire week. I wiped the whipped cream off of his lip. He smiled groggily and his dark circled eyes creased to a close as I let my fingers linger over his mouth. He breathed into my palm.

I heard muted noises and soft voices.

"They're talking about me," he whispered, and the hushed flight of whispers stopped. I stepped out of my world where only Eward existed and realized that the Cullen's had been talking across the table, purposely exerting their enhanced abilities to ensure that the two of us couldn't hear what they were speaking of.

"I apologize," Carlisle spoke. "That was terribly rude."

Edward only stared.

"We just didn't want to upset you," Esme reasoned, and Edward's face softened.

"What is the verdict?" he asked stoically.

"We were discussing your health. You don't look any better since the night we brought you back," Alice explained. I looked away from her and studied Edward for a moment. I had been blinded by the bliss of simply having him back at my side. They were right, though. The cuts along his arms should have started to scab over by now, but they still seemed fresh and angry. He looked exhausted despite sleeping most of the time. Even his bruises had not yet begun to fade into the ugly yellow green colors that signified retreat.

"I will be fine."

"I know you want to be, dear. But you just don't know that. We simply want to make sure nothing happens to you," Esme said.

"I know I will be fine. I can do this. I can be this. Everything will be all right. Allow me to handle this in my own way."

"My goodness, Edward," Alice piped up. "Do you actually make a special effort to be this stubborn or does it come naturally for you?"

Edward glared across the table at his sister.

"We just need to know," Jasper explained, "what do we do if you continue to ... degenerate." Alice squeezed her eyes shut as if she were in pain and I saw Esme lock worried eyes with Carlisle.

"We should do what we did with Bella," Emmett suggested with a brawny shrug.

"And what is that?" Carlisle asked.

"Put it to a vote, of course." Emmet spoke the idea like it was the answer to the simplest of questions. Two plus two. Utterly obvious. There was no other answer. I smiled but I heard Edward growl. He curled his hands into balled-up fists in front of him on the table. I stopped smiling.

Several of us glanced at Alice, but she raised her arms up in defense.

"Don't look at me. I still can't see a darn thing. Blind as a bat." She nodded her spiky head. "It definitely seems like a good idea, though."

"Absolutely not. I will not have my future be put to a vote. I am perfectly capable of deciding things myself."

"And I somehow wasn't capable enough?" I asked abruptly, allowing a surge of anger to engulf my thinking.

"That was a different circumstance," Edward said, still eyeing the center of the table and not meeting anyone else's gaze.

"Well, it seems just a little too familiar to me. I let my fate be voted on by everyone here at this table."

"I have been a vampire, Bella. I know what it's like, and I know what I want. You didn't know what you would be getting yourself into. You still don't know."

"Edward," Carlisle warned.

"You don't know what you're getting _yourself_ into if you stay like this," I countered. "We all love you. I ... I can't lose you again. I will _not_," I whispered harshly, refusing the blossoming tears in my eyes to spill in front of the entire family. My stomach twisted into knots.

Edward only shook his head and fumed silently. "Excuse me. I need a ... human moment." He pushed himself away from the table, and had we not been in such an intense situation, I would have laughed at his comment -- an inside joke just between the two of us.

I looked around the table, noticing every one's face was tight with anxiety. Even Emmett seemed uncharacteristically worried. Everything was stone. Silent.

My mind wandered over images of color-changing eyes. Golden, amber, and black, and then bright green. All were beautiful but green was the most vibrant of them all. Alive and curious, excited. Then, I knew my answer. If we were to vote right then and there, I would vote human, if only because it was what I knew Edward wanted.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I entered the coolness of the bedroom and heard the water turn off in the bathroom. Steam emerged as Edward opened the bathroom door moments later, and the vapor floated around his wet body. His practically _unclothed_ body. A burgundy towel held itself loosely around his waist. I sucked in a cool breath of air as I told myself to look away. I lost the fight miserably, because I was fairly certain that my mouth hung open as I merely continued to stare at him as he came closer.

A small, entertained laugh disrupted the moment, and I finally looked up to his face, finding an adorably bashful grin gracing his lips. I pointed to the space of mattress beside me and tapped it. He padded across the room with bare feet.

His hair, darkened from the wetness of the shower, hung over his forehead and bristled over his eyes. He had shaved, and his skin felt almost as creamily smooth as it always had been. He stared at me with unobtrusive, diffident eyes. In the silence, I continued on as if the moment between the two of us had been paused by a remote, and I could have as long as I wanted to simply admire the frozen picture before moving on to the next scene. I felt surprisingly brazen as I took all of him in.

He seemed so shy sitting beside me, as if even his insides - his soul - were on display. His glistened from the water beads that continued to slide down his body. His fingers ringed over each other like a wet towel being twisted to rid all of the excess water. An intrusive wondering thought bobbed up to the surface of my mind; I mulled over why he seemed so nervous. It was only me there beside him. I didn't wonder long as I quickly went back to absorbing every little thing I could about him.

"Is this okay?" he asked, and his taciturn voice made my chest ache a little. I traced my thumb under his hooded eyes, touching the dark patch of skin. I circled the purple bruises on the top of his chest. I tried to be as gentle as I was capable of being.

"I won't be able to catch you every time you stumble over your own two feet, Bella. But I will try my absolute hardest to. My body isn't perfect and I am weak like nothing you've seen from me before. But my love for you has never been stronger and that will never fade, I swear. I need to know... can you learn to love me as I am now?"

"Are you asking me if you're enough for me?" It hurt me in a physical way to think that he could devalue himself. He nodded quickly.

"I would have you in any way that I was allowed to, Edward. As cheesy as it sounds, you will always be perfect for me. We are perfect together. Nothing can fit better than you to me."

I was feeling bold enough that I was about to remove his towel. He could stand before me with no clothes and no immortally gifted features to hide behind, and I would convince him. I would find the way to express just how adamantly I felt that he would never have to hide anything from me. But then I felt a slight bump on his stomach, close to his belly button. I looked down at the distraction and felt again at the slightly pink site; it seemed like a welt, a little dark red prick in the center.

"Did something bite you?" I asked as I leaned down to inspect it. Edward grabbed my shoulders and quickly pushed me back up before I could investigate any further.

"Maybe when we were outside earlier. It doesn't itch. I don't even feel it," he explained hurriedly. He stood up and moved to retrieve his clothes. My eyes fell across his backpack. It was now sitting outside the bathroom door.

"What's in that bag?" I asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Just a blanket and a spare pair of socks. In case we got cold today when we were in the woods."

"Is that all?"

Edward returned to my side, now clothed in the sweats and pulling the tee-shirt over his disheveled head of hair. "Yes, that is all."

"Care if I look?" I stood up and grabbed it in my hands. He was looking at me with alarmed eyes but he didn't say anything so I unzipped it again. True to his word, there was a pair of socks, the pack of gum, and that folded spare blanket. The pencil case was absent.

I shook my head at the contents, unsure of what to ask next. Unsure of my insecurities. I set it back down on the floor as Edward came up to me.

"Bella, you know I would do anything for you, yes?"

I nodded.

"I would never leave you on purpose, not ever again. I want you to understand that very clearly."

"I do."

"When I was in that lab, all I thought about was you. Even when I figured out what they were doing to me... When I came to understand what was happening to me when I was losing my strength, I still only thought about you. What was best for you. For us."

"I wish I could follow what you're telling me. Edward, tell me what happened there."

His serious eyes pierced through mine. I stared back with an urgent need to understand the secrets locked away.

"I want to give you everything. _Everything_. When I figured out what was happening to me, it was like a chance at cheating our fate... I wanted it to happen."

"Edward, I already know that you want to be human. I think I understand that."

His hesitance alarmed me. "What happened?" I asked again.

"It wasn't complete. The transformation. They ... they didn't know that I was able to read their thoughts. There was a time when I was still strong enough to break through their iron bars. From their minds, I was able to see a way out of that maze of a laboratory. It's underground and very difficult to escape. They made it that way because of our capabilities. But I had.... I had a chance to escape over three months ago."

A stab. That's what it felt like. A stab in the chest from a chilling, uncaring blade.

"I let them continue testing their serums. I remained there willingly. I needed to be changed. I wanted it to work. I wanted to come back to you as a human. I want to be all those things for you that I couldn't be before."

He reached for me, but I stepped back, unable to control my expression. I was so lost in the tornado of thoughts, I couldn't even know what he saw when he looked at my face.

Edward had stayed there and danced with death. Instead of coming home to his family, coming home to me, he chose to stay there and risk his life. It wasn't only his life that he chose to risk, though, and I couldn't understand why he didn't realize that.

I closed my eyes. I closed my mind. I closed our conversation.

"Bella, you must understand. I did this for us. To give you all that I couldn't before." His voice cracked under the desperation in his urgent pleas. I felt him touch my face, and my eyes snapped fiercely open.

It was then, in the deathly silence that I swore I could actually feel the universe spinning. The web of Edward and I had just tangled a little further. He had upset the delicate balance of the situation, turning it on its ugly head.

His humanity wasn't something that had been forced upon him. When he had decided not to escape, he made it his choice. He risked his life and kept me in misery for three additional, unnecessary tortured months. My mind muddled the feelings and the memories, and I was no longer able to discern what was happening now from what happened when Edward left me the first time. It was the same, I thought. He chose to leave me all the same.

"It's the same," I whispered.

"Bella," he whispered back. And I did it there in the pale moon light of his bedroom. I did to him that thing I swore I would never be capable of doing.

I slapped Edward Cullen. As hard as I could across the face.

And then I ran away from him and into the lonely rainstorm, willing the cracks in the soil to let me in. I wanted to dissolve. To disappear from the all too familiar pain of my heart broken into pieces.


	6. The Rain in Our Eyes

**End of Last Chapter:**

**His humanity wasn't something that had been forced upon him. When he had decided not to escape, he made it his choice. **He risked his life and kept me in misery for three additional, unnecessary tortured months. My mind muddled the feelings and the memories, and I was no longer able to discern what was happening now from what happened when Edward left me the first time. It was the same, I thought. He chose to leave me all the same.

"It's the same," I whispered.

"Bella," he whispered back. And I did it there in the pale moon light of his bedroom. I did to him that thing I swore I would never be capable of doing.

I slapped Edward Cullen. As hard as I could across the face.

And then I ran away from him and into the lonely rainstorm, willing the cracks in the soil to let me in. I wanted to dissolve. To disappear from the all too familiar pain of my heart broken into pieces.

_"I cannot live without you, but I will not destroy your soul."_ ~ Edward Cullen

New Moon, by Stephanie Meyer

Rain drops the size of nickels pounded down in curtains over me as I sloshed down the drive way. I heard the front door swing open and soggy feet slapping against the muddy concrete steps behind me. I had run away, and Edward chased after me.

"Come back inside with me, Bella."

My truck was still parked at Charlie's. I was too stubborn to ask Alice to drive me home. I was left with only one option; I continued to walk in the rain without purpose.

"We can talk about this inside. Your skin is soaked through to the bone," he persisted.

"Then so is yours," I spat and ran through a forming puddle at the end of the drive. I heard him splash his way after me.

"You can't leave like this," he called, his voice muffled and slurred from the rain.

"You want control over everything, Edward. And it leaves not even an ounce of it for me."

I spun around to face him. He had followed me to the open road. He was bare-chested, barefoot, and already mud-covered. His angular features were as twisted as the paths of rain drops sliding down his skin. Broken. It was the only way to describe his face in that moment. I fought against the despair in his eyes like a swimmer fights against a current. My anger was the floatation device keeping my head above the surface.

"I need to say this," I breathed. "You need to hear these things. Know this pain. You caused this," I sobbed at him.

We stood face to face in the haze of rain, each of us as wet as a wave of water - ready to crash into the other.

He reached for me, and I stepped backwards. He snatched my arm and began to tug me toward the house. I relented.

"You kept your family and I fearing that the worst had happened to you.... You're always choosing what is safe and what's not. You choose your fate _and_ mine. I don't want a guardian. I want my other half ... I just want _you_!" I stomped my foot and it connected into the mud with a splat. My petulant reaction felt justified, and I was willing to have a full-blown temper tantrum in front of him right there in the rainstorm.

He stifled a noise in his chest. It was a growl; maybe it was a cough. His face was literally as pale as an immortal's now. His demeanor instantly tamed the fireball in my stomach.

"You shouldn't be in this weather, Edward. You shouldn't have followed me."

He merely continued pulling at my arm, anger rolling off of him.

"Perhaps, I choose these things, Bella, because I know them to be what's best for your well-being." His rain-slicked grasp slipped from the bend of my arm down to my wrist. I could have yanked myself away from him quite easily. His strength was gone. He was waning. I let him pull me further, though.

"And when you stomp off into weather like this," he shouted over his shoulder, "it makes me doubt the concern you have for even your own safety. Let alone the biggest decision you would ever have to make!"

"You made that decision for me already, though, didn't you?" The words dripped acid, turning the taste of the rain on my lips bitter. "If you're human, Edward, then I have no reason to become a vampire. The choice has been made."

"Yes, it has," he admitted, and he let go of me.

I tried to come up with something equally hurtful. Some smart line that would sting him like the jelly fish confession he had just made. His last words wrapped their tentacles around me and refused to release me. They continued to sting and sting. I opened my mouth and closed it when nothing came out. Only rain went in.

I decided to make a run for the dark line of forest fringe surrounding the Cullen home. I would hide and Alice would come get me and I wouldn't be alone with this destiny-breaking angel standing so frailly in front of me. I took off in a sprint.

Despite his exhaustion, however, Edward was still surprisingly fast. He caught up to me instantly and wrapped his arms around my chest from behind. He tried to slow me down, but instead our legs tangled together, and we ended up collapsing into to the wet soil of the road.

"Are you okay?" His eyes were wide in concern. The final shreds of my resolve fizzled out as I stared up at him, his body shielding me from the storm and sandwiching me against the damp earth. I felt instantly safer. Protected.

He was close to me, and this - the biggest fight we had ever gotten ourselves into - had only lasted for a few watery moments. But it drained me. His proximity was refreshing. I smashed my face against his, our lips crashing together so harshly that I tasted blood. I was kissing him so forcefully that I could feel the air vacating his lungs, leaving him dry.

I pulled away only to replenish my own supply of oxygen. He lingered directly over me, his wet hair still clinging to my forehead. His body raked in the air needfully. He wiped my blood off his lip hastily. A fear that might never fade. I squirmed in the mud beneath him. His arm jutted to my shoulder and gently pushed me back to the ground as he continued breathing heavily. I wasn't going to make him chase me again.

"Stop taking my breath away ... because I can't run anymore." A faint smile ghosted over his lips as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Bella."

His voice shook as though he had lost control of his tone. I saw his lips continue to vibrate; his teeth were chattering. I reached up to wrap my arms around his bare chest, fighting the slippery skin for a firm grip.

"You might have years and years of education over me, Edward, but when it comes to love, I sometimes think you're more clueless than I am."

"Please forgive me," he whispered. I heard the urgency in his tone. The need.

"You know I do," I sighed. "What do you think you're doing, though? Playing with destiny like this."

"Saving your soul," he answered simply.

My breath hitched in my throat. I was spared the need to reply when Carlisle's blond head came into view above us. He seemed hesitant.

"That's enough for tonight," he said and began helping Edward up.

"I'm all right," Edward insisted as he tried lifting me out of the mud. Our fingers slipped from each other's wet grasp, and I fell back down before I could stand.

"I'm good. It's good," I said quickly, and I felt icy fingers touch my shoulders as Carlisle brought me to my feet. I shivered. Edward was staring down at his own hands as if they had betrayed him somehow.

"Let's get you both inside and dried off. I don't want you going back to your father tomorrow with the beginnings of a cold, Bella."

"I'm sorry for bringing Edward out into this weather," I said as we walked up the driveway.

"It's not Bella's fault," Edward muttered, his head down.

"Oh, I know that. And, Edward, you and I are going to have a very long chat when we get inside."

It was too easy for me to forget the presence of an outside world whenever I was with Edward, but now my mind was clear enough to remember. Surely, they had heard our fight. Surely, Edward's family knew what he had done - remaining a captive while we blindly searched for him for three months. Good intentions or not, he had caused a great deal of pain for the Cullen's.

Alice met us at the door with an awkward smile. She held a phone up in the air. "It's for you."

"Charlie?" I mouthed my question silently. She shook her head and in a sing-song voice, replied, "No, It's Rosalie. She wants to speak with you."

I saw Edward's head snap upright at this news. His eyes were suspicious but he remained silent. Carlisle gently clasped the back of Edward's neck and began to direct him to his study.

I was worried for him. Edward was hardly a teenager, but this had Father's Lecture written all over it.

Alice waved the phone in my face. "Rosalie's still waiting," she chimed.

I suddenly realized I should be worried myself. Rosalie had never _wanted_ to talk to me before. She hadn't even spoken to Edward yet since he was home. I quickly tried to recall a time when she, at the very least, had smiled at _me_. No such memory came forth.

I wished I was the one in the study with Carlisle then. Heck, I even wished I was still out in the rain. Just not inside with that phone and Rosalie Hale on the other end of it.


	7. I'm Not Quitting You

Doom was waiting on the phone for me. Rather, it was just Rosalie, but it might as well have been the Grim Reaper. Condemnation and Rosalie usually went hand in hand for me.

Alice still held the phone as she took my hand and began leading me upstairs. Esme gripped my other arm. I let them take me, focusing on the spongy feel and squashing sound my feet made on the carpeted steps.

I was in the bedroom now. Esme shut the door behind us. Alice pushed a button on the phone and set it on the nightstand beside us.

"Go ahead, Rosalie," Alice said as she returned to my side. She had placed her sister on speaker phone. Esme began drying my hair. Alice was peeling my shirt off.

Embarrassment coursed through my shoulders, fear gurgled in my chest, and anxiety ran through the floors of my mind. I wished the frigid rain would numb the overwhelming emotions in the same way it had numbed my fingers. I eyed the bed, wondering if I could get away with flinging myself under the covers and shutting out everything else, at least for a time.

"How is he?" Rosalie's clear voice came through the black plastic.

"He's.... I … he's downstairs with Carlisle. I can go get him," I offered, tearing at my nails before Alice separated my hands and slid a fresh shirt over my head. I looked to Esme for help. She gazed at me with hesitating eyes; she only shrugged her shoulders helplessly and continued running the towel over my hair.

"Just tell me how he is." Rosalie's firm voice filled the stiff night air.

"I- I don't know. He's tired. Something's not right. Maybe you should ask Carlisle… Esme?"

"We already told Rosalie. She is up to speed on the situation," Esme explained. I kept my vision on her. Her golden eyes held a concern that was doing a better job of warming me up than the towel that was running through my hair.

"I don't know what you want from me, Rosalie," I uttered with a silent prayer that she would hear my earnest confusion.

"How _is_ he?" she asked again, slowly. I stopped to picture Edward in my mind. I sighed.

"He's … happy."

"That's what I thought. Don't fight him on this then. Not on _this_, Bella."

"I'm scared," I admitted. Alice and Esme stepped closer on each side of me. Coolness radiated from their bodies, but I relaxed at their proximity.

"What's happened is like a miracle," Rosalie declared.

"And if something happens to him? How much of a miracle would it be?"

"Do you love him?" Rosalie ignored my question and fired one of her own.

"That's why I'm scared. I don't want to be here without him. He could be really sick, Rosalie." The tears were falling off of my cheeks before I even knew I had started crying.

Esme's beautiful, hard face was pressed with pain. The image pinched my throat closed, making it difficult to breathe normally. She gasped over her own tearless sobs. My fingers found her hand and squeezed.

"Do you love him?" Rosalie asked again. I huffed in frustration and looked to the ceiling, willing the water to abate.

"Rosalie," Alice warned, and I felt her hand travel up and down my back.

"Do you love him?" she asked again loudly, sounding almost impatient.

"Yes," I finally screamed. I was angry now. "Of course I do. That's why this is impossible!"

"You love him," Rosalie's voice confirmed. "That's why you _must_ believe in the impossible. This could work, Bella. Just let him try."

"If this works, you'll be the next in line. Am I right?" Bitter Bella was making an appearance. I clamped my mouth shut, managing to bite the very tip of my tongue in the process.

"We haven't always gotten along, Edward and I. But he is my brother. I want him happy, and I know better than anyone that this – sparing you from an unnatural world – will make him the happiest. He and I share a similar desire. We yearn for a human life. Bella, if he could get past his physical ailments.… If he was healthy, would you allow him to try to make a life with you in this way?"

"My life is with Edward – no matter what he is or what I am."

"Then let him heal. Be patient, Bella. Please. Please."

"Are you coming home soon, Rosalie?" Esme cut in as she began ushering me toward the bed. She had obviously had enough of this conversation.

"Not quite yet. Emmett is meeting me in Italy. I'll be back soon enough. As long as Bella promises to take care of my now very human brother."

"I will." My voice wasn't as strong as I needed it to be. A clicking sound came from the phone, but the three of us remained silent in the unlit room long after Rosalie hung up.

I laid back beneath the blanket and Alice and Esme hovered beside me, their eyes blank and lost in obvious troubled thoughts.

"What do we do?" I finally risked a question.

"Can you be happy with Edward's decision?" Esme asked.

"Yes. I love Edward. I need him in my life because of that. As long as he's okay, I'll be happy."

"Then, what you do, Bella, is be happy. Simply be happy together." Esme brushed the hair away from my face.

Alice winked at me. "I can't see the future, but I still know that there is a happy ending in this. Human Edward and Bella or the Vampire equivalent. I feel it in the deepest part of me."

I could only nod, and then they left me to the silence.

A very lonely silence.

I couldn't fall asleep knowing that Edward was so close but not within my fingers' grasp. I never wanted to spend another night sleeping apart from him. I finally rolled out of bed and shivered all the way to the bathroom.

I clicked on the light and stared at my mangled hair in the mirror. It looked like dusky straw now that it had been dried a little. Static from the sheets had sent random strands wildly upright all around my head. I blew some of it out of my face and focused on my reflection.

I concentrated on changing my future.

I scrutinized myself in that bathroom mirror.

I had planned on something so different. For so long, I had planned on Edward's venom coursing through my veins. I had counted on my transformation into a vampire to secure an eternity with him.

Now, I would settle for what every other person must settle for. A human existence. Mortality. I no longer saw pale white skin and golden eyes. I saw plain brown hair and matching chocolate irises. A smile crept onto my reflection. Strange. I kind of liked my eyes as they were. I knew Edward did too.

I actually squinted, inspecting this new life further.

Now, I saw … college campuses. Christmas with Charlie and trips to visit my mom with Edward at my side. I saw the two of us growing older together. A ring on my finger and a walk down the aisle. We wouldn't have to disappear. I would see my family and still experience much with my friends. I could even envision a small baby enveloped in Edward's and my arms with Renee and Charlie as a proud grandma and grandpa spoiling the snot out of their grandchild. I imagined further a more mature body and Edward's gorgeously disheveled hair with strands of silver slicing their way through the copper. I pictured it _all_.

A long, happy life with him. Birthdays, milestones, changing diapers, reunions, and numbered sunsets. Time seemed so, so sweet – short and poignant, yes … but blissful and precious too. Time was all this and more when I looked inside this alternate bubble of imagination. Life would be the steady progression it was always meant to be.

I studied the mirror, imagining the skin around my eyes as crinkled, much like my mom's had begun to do recently. I could see laugh lines that would be sure to develop, but I didn't feel threatened by them. I envisioned Edward standing behind me, his head resting on my shoulder, looking older too, and so happy. Vivid and alive. I wasn't afraid.

I could finally see it. I would grow and live a blessed life,and Edward would grow old along _with_ me. Man and wife, best friends. Two parts that made a single, perfect whole. He kept me complete, and he had given us a chance at a human life – to be lived together.

I inhaled deeply as if my future had its own fragrant aroma, and I breathed its scent in heartily before turning off the light.

When I returned to the dim bedroom, I could see Edward had returned. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me and his head hung dejectedly in the darkness.

"Edward?"

His shoulders shook as he spun to face me, apparently startled.

"You're still here?" he questioned, rubbing tired eyes.

"Where else would I be?" I asked back, walking over to him. I crossed my arms over my chest, still freezing from the stormy night.

"I thought … I thought maybe you had Alice take you home early."

"I've been waiting for you to finish your talk with Carlisle."

_Longer than that_, my mind chastised. _So much longer_. "I've been waiting for you for all these months. And I've been waiting for you since before Italy when you first left. Edward, I've always been waiting for you. I can't ever leave."

His shoulders slumped and he probed my face with a crumpling expression. I saw pain in the creases of his forehead, yes. And remorse. Hope, too, I thought. At least I wished for hope to be there.

"I don't deserve that kind of devotion, Bella."

"But you have it. I'm not leaving you. And I'm not letting you leave _me_. Ever. Again."

He raked his fingers through his hair in a sense of frustration. "Don't worry anymore. I told you before. I'm much too selfish. If you are willing to have me, I will _not_ let you go.... I simply won't let go."

I couldn't be separated from his embrace any longer. I closed the gap, grabbed his shoulders and held onto him for dear life as he backed further into the bed and allowed me room to slip in right beside him. He pulled the heavy blanket over our shivering bodies. I pressed my chest against his, and our legs twisted together like branches of a tree. We merged together from foreheads to toes.

His hands moved up and down my arms. I mimicked his actions. We warmed each other. I listened to his breathing; it was sweeping warmly over my face. This was love. Edward was my great love, and that trumped any other feeling that could be sought after in this world. Anyone that fought against it or chose to live without it had to be out of their minds. Absolutely absurd it would be not to fight for this emotion and the one soul in the universe that made it possible. Mistakes. Pain. The sacrifice. Risk and danger. It all came with the decision to love. I was learning.

We fell into a silence, but it was not a lonely silence any longer.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Gibran's "The Prophet"," I replied, still tracing my fingers over his upper arm.

"Any particular part?"

"The part that makes me see the sense in melding my soul to yours."

My fingers roamed to his chest, hovering directly over the area where I could feel his heart thumping underneath. I hesitated.

"Would you like to hear it?" I asked after a moment.

His hair tickled my cheek when he nodded. I whispered nervously the words that could make me feel strong and sturdy on my feet in the path of any darkness.

"**When love beckons to you, follow him,  
Though his ways are hard and steep.  
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,  
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.  
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,  
Though his voice may shatter your dreams."**

I held my breath. Now the quiet felt strained. Silence was proving to be quite fickle.

"How I've hurt you," he finally croaked. His words broke from the sob he seemed to try keeping inside.

_Love is powerful and impossible to control_, I was thinking. For all of Edward's experiences in the century he had lived, he was as new to this as I was. We were stumbling together.

"Your sword is sharp, Edward. But it's just because you don't know how to use it yet. But your wings.… They're the safest feeling I've ever known. "

"How can you still trust me? I've only broken your heart. All I want to do is take care of you. And it seems as though I'm quite horrible at it. Disastrous really."

"I trust in your intentions, Edward. Always."

I heard his breathing slow after the statement. He was calming down.

"What did Rosalie want?"

"To make sure you were being taken care of. Answer honestly. Are you okay?"

"I feel better. I'll be okay."

"You have to be okay, Edward, or this plan won't work, all right?"

"There's a plan?"

I sighed. "The plan of growing old together, silly. It won't work if you croak before we ever get there." I tried to laugh but the forced effort only made it to the back of my throat. He laughed easily, though.

"What did Carlisle say?" I asked as means of diversion, pushing the pesky tears away from my eyes and off my face.

"He promised me," Edward whispered, "that no matter what, he wouldn't change me back."

I gulped. Carlisle had given him his blessing. Edward's family would support him. It was time to finalize this decision, resolve our limbo.

"One lifetime is long enough," I said quietly and searched for his lips in the dark. I kissed him encouragingly.

"Truly?" he asked me when I pulled away. I heard the hope riding on the single-worded, anticipation-laden question.

"Truly. One lifetime is long enough. If we live it together. And we leave it together."

He was crushing me then. Hugging me with a fierceness that chased away the icy coldness from my limbs.

Surely, the howling wind outside was warning me. _The darkness will come again_, it wailed. Bony fingers were reaching out to me in distress. No. They were just branches of dead conifers whipping against each other and snapping in the storm.

A war seemed like it had yet to be fought. But Edward and I were buried in warm blankets and wrapped in each other's needful limbs. We were together and safe in that bedroom, in that moment. I let everything else fall from my shoulders, mere weights keeping me from flight.

He murmured, "Thank you," over and over into my ear. The words under his breath were an airy, soft song that lulled me into a sleepy state. I fought against his bewitchment, but he wouldn't stop hugging me, and he wouldn't stop placing those sweet kisses on my forehead and in my still damp hair. I succumbed to the magic of his husky voice and finally fell asleep beneath his arms - the resilient, secure wings of love.


	8. The Most Human Day Yet

I awoke to pleasant warmth and bright morning light and the faintest breaths of air rolling over my stomach. I looked down to find Edward curled up in a helpless ball, his deep brown hair scattered across my midsection. A gentle shake of his shoulder failed to rouse him. I nudged him harder, still unfamiliar with his sleeping; I would feel skittish until I could be sure he was all right.

He only rolled over, sighed, and settled back down on top of me, still not waking. His warm ear now pressed down over my belly button and his hand absently slid up my chest, inadvertently hiking my shirt up along with it. His fingers settled along the nape of my neck as he sighed and stilled, and then he was asleep once again.

A short and meager snore escaped his slackened lips. I stifled a giggle as his warm breaths puffed and tickled over my skin.

How foreign, still.

I now had my own personal space heater that just happened to snore on occasion.

How _lovely_.

More information to add to my Things-To-Know-About-A-Human-Edward-Cullen box.

I inspected closely. As he slept, every one of his muscles was relaxed; an undisturbed serenity lightened the shadows along the usually taught and troubled lines of his face.

I only wanted to stay in the bed with him for the entire day and explore a world that after a week was still brand new to me. But, I knew Alice would be knocking on the door any minute to whisk me away and return me to Charlie's. My week at the Cullen's was over.

I slid out from beneath his comforting weight and placed his head on my pillow before I showered and collected my things. Then I hesitated, wanting to simply shake him into consciousness and see him smile at me. That uneven grin that was so lop-sided sexy that it was perfect to my eyes.

But, I never knew Edward could seem so tranquil, and I had never once dared to wonder how enchanting his face would appear if he were ever to slumber. So, I did not wake him. I smiled over him and quickly scribbled a note instead.

_Sorry I had to leave. Call me when you can. Eat the rest of the soup, please. I love you - Bella_

I folded it in half, wrote his name on the outside, and set the paper as a flimsy tent on the nightstand as I foolishly wished my handwriting was just a little more girly than it was.

I threw my duffle bag over my shoulder but lingered beside the bed a few more moments until I found the discipline to leave him.

Alice greeted me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Carlisle's taking you home this morning," she said. "I'll be hunting with Jasper."

"So soon?" I asked. I was certain they had hunted just last night.

"He wants to be overly cautious with Edward. He's been hunting daily to be safe."

"Is it really hard for him?" I thought of the unrelenting scrapes and wounds residing over Edward's skin. How exposed his blood was to his family.

"No, Bella. The chemicals swimming in his system from the transformation alter the scent entirely. But, we just can't take any chances."

Alice smiled brightly, and it alleviated the sudden bout of panic. She looped her arm through mine and led me into the kitchen.

"You should tell your dad that Edward is returning from Alaska tomorrow. It would be better than Charlie finding out on his own and wondering if Edward's been back the entire time you were staying with us."

I nodded at Alice in agreement.

Esme fed me eggs and toast, and then Carlisle appeared behind me, his lips cemented into a tight line. Esme patted my shoulders as she took my bag and handed it to her husband.

I said goodbye and followed the doctor to his car.

There was no conversation between the two of us as he pulled out of the driveway and down the gravel trail.

The main road back into town was closed because of several fallen tree branches from the previous night's storm. Carlisle took a side road as I stared out the window.

I recognized the way we were going. It was the road Edward and I had taken to our picnic. Soon, we came upon the clearing where we had parked. Déjà vu sparked once again.

"This is familiar," I noted. "This area." Something happened here. Before the picnic.

Carlisle's stare remained fixed on the windshield. "This is the part of the woods where we found Edward seven days ago."

"Edward brought me to this same spot for our picnic yesterday," I mentioned, curiosity peaked.

"Must be a coincidence." Carlisle glanced at me all too briefly and flicked a kind smile before his features slipped back into a tense mask.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Charlie was in the living room hunched over a bowl of cereal when I returned home. He turned and grunted a hello through a mouth full of Frosted Flakes.

"Hey, dad." I plopped down on the couch beside him.

"How was your week, Bells?" He was lowering the volume on Sports Morning Talk.

"It was great. A great time…." I paused, wincing. "And Edward's coming back tomorrow," I squeaked hastily.

I figured I should pull the band-aid of information off quickly. It always stung less that way.

Charlie's eyebrow furrowed as he processed the news. "He's been gone for some months, now."

I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded.

"Wasn't he looking for lost family members up there in Alaska?"

"He was. He found some cousins from his father's side that moved there from Chicago."

"I suppose it was too much to ask for. Hoping he'd stay away for good this time."

When someone says something hurtful about the person you love, it sends a dagger of splitting pain straight through your heart. The dagger is much sharper and the pain much more acute when the person saying it is someone you love dearly too.

"His family is _here_," I responded tersely and pushed myself from the couch. "_I'm_ here," I added, no less strongly.

I could hear him swallow. The harsh acceptance and the now-soggy flakes of cereal.

"Did you catch any fish this week?" I did not want to fight, so I maneuvered onto steadier ground instead.

"Nothing's been biting lately…. The fridge is pretty bare."

"What have you been eating then?"

"I finished off the last of the Hungry-Mans last night."

"I guess I'll be shopping this morning," I called as I entered the kitchen to take inventory. I scratched my head over the sparsely stocked kitchen. Items were few and far between. My grocery list would be long.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was almost noon, and I was in the baking aisle of Thriftway. I was reaching for a bag of flour when I felt my phone vibrate from inside my back pocket. The ring tone that sounded seemed to cease my heart for a single beat. The first notes of Dashboard Confessional's "Stolen" signaled a certain someone was calling me. Edward's ring tone.

His name flashed across the small screen. It was the first time in over seven months that I had seen his name appear there. Incoming Call. Another reminder that the man I loved was very truly home. I beamed to myself in the middle of the grocery lane and fumbled to flip the phone open. He spoke before I could even say hello.

"Bella?" His voice was thick with sleep and panic.

"Yeah, I'm here. Did you just wake up?"

"Where are you? Are you okay?" he rasped.

"I'm getting some groceries for Charlie. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"I … you weren't here…." His words sounded traced in confusion.

"Didn't you see my note?" I started pushing the cart to the front of the store, now worried myself.

"Uhm, no. There was a note?"

I heard rustling on the other end of the phone. I think he was crawling out of the bed. "Ah. There it is," I heard him say from a distance.

"I found the note, Bella." The phone was back beside his ear as I heard him clearly again. "It was on the floor. It must have fallen." He was calmer.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I'm sorry that I just panicked. I just … it was the first time I've woken up and you weren't … there beside me."

Realization dawned on me then. Since returning home, Edward had awoken to exactly six mornings. Only six mornings in all his years of existence since 1918. The hazy crossing from dreams to the waking world must have been especially disorienting to him, given his severe lack of experience with sleep. To awaken alone must have been unnerving.

"Oh, Edward. I didn't even realize-"

"Shh, it's all right. _I'm_ sorry that I worried _you_ just now."

"I can drive over," I offered, hopeful. I thought I heard Esme's voice in the background.

"Nonsense. You need to spend some time with Charlie. Esme is here. She just brought me a cup of your soup."

"So how did you sleep?" I pushed the cart into aisle number three and waited.

"Well. I feel much better this morning. Now that I know you're fine, of course."

"I'll miss sleeping beside you tonight," I moaned.

"I don't think I'll be quite as stealth in sliding through your bedroom window as before. And _that_, my dear, is a very unfortunate downside to this new … situation."

"Will you meet me at eleven tomorrow, though? I already talked to Angela. She still needs help setting up the Forks' Booths for the Carnival in Port Angeles."

"That sounds fine. But we are definitely taking my car."

Before I had a chance to pout, Edward continued, "I never would have crashed before this change. It _never _would have happened. I … realize now, though, I don't have nearly the same level of control over such instances any longer. Therefore, we are going to drive the safest vehicle. I am not discriminating against your beloved truck, Bella."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, only slightly less exasperated at his explanation. "Fine. We'll take your boring, characterless car. But I think I want to drive."

"Then you drive," he laughed; my chest warmed from the sound.

"It's my turn to check out in line. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bella, I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered, closing the phone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I stepped out of Charlie's cruiser and into the surprisingly warm Tuesday morning air surrounding the Coffee Shop.

"You've got to be kidding me." Charlie kicked his boot at the gravel as he came to stand beside me in the diner parking lot. I followed his gaze to a certain silver Volvo. I stared incredulously at Edward's car in the lot.

"I thought he was meeting you at the house later," he grumbled before proceeding across the lot. I could only stammer as I followed.

"I .. I.... He was. I mean, he-he is."

Charlie swung the door open with only the slightest of scowls on his face and held it for me patiently. I stepped inside and was assaulted with familiar scents of percolating coffee and freshly baked piecrust. The weathered and happy faces of locals swirled about but I could not see Edward in any of the aqua-colored seats. I followed Charlie to our regular booth and slid in.

Agnes swept by our table and nodded. "Morning, Chief. Miss Isabella." She poured Charlie's coffee, muttered something about how busy it was for a weekday, and promised she would be back shortly.

"Over there," Charlie said to me.

"What?"

"He just came out of the restroom. Over there," he said and jerked his head in the direction of the opposite end of the diner. Then I saw Edward, his hands stuffed into gray pants pockets, his six foot two form shuffling awkwardly through the crowded diner. His shoulders were tight, his face taciturn. It was so odd to watch Edward without his knowledge; I almost felt like a peeping tom. Almost.

The vampire would have sensed me before he even came into my view. However, the human boy was simply that - human. And the human boy was so interesting to observe because he didn't know I was looking. I sensed he felt out of place, almost shy now, in this public space. He meandered through the lobby, stopping timidly in front of the glowing neon jukebox.

He bent over and searched several pages of songs. I heard Charlie clear his throat. I ignored him and continued to ogle Edward.

I stared at his profile as he hunched over the machine, squinting over the song titles. He grinned to himself, inserted some change, and then pushed the green button. CDs spun and sorted.

I bit my lip out of anticipation.

The music began to play. Loudly.

I bit my lip again but this time out of bashfulness. I turned around and slid lower into my seat, feeling awkward and suddenly flustered.

"Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison was filling the entire restaurant, and I felt my face absorbing cherry red heat as I blushed.

I dared a peek at my father. He rolled his eyes heavily but said nothing as he picked up his menu. I breathed deeply; it could have been much worse. Edward could have chosen Morrison's "Crazy Love" instead. I would have feared for Edward's physical safety then.

A giant elk head hung on the wall in the center of the diner. I could see Charlie as a wild elk himself, just itching to buck. He was waiting with thick, angry horns – scraping the ground with his hooves, just waiting to charge. Gun or no gun, he would be dangerous.

I fingered my rolled up napkin, tearing little pieces off, grimacing as the song's Sha la la's approached. _Impact approaching_, my embarrassment whispered.

Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

There they were. I grimaced in humiliation.

Truthfully, I was not wholly mortified. Mostly, Edward's endearing song choice warmed me down to the core of my bones. He was thinking about me. I was not overly fond of sharing the intimate experience with my father, however.

"Well, he looks lost. Are you going to invite him to sit with us or not, Bells?"

"Are you sure, dad?" I saw Edward shoving his hands into his coat pockets on his way to the end barstool, making eye contact with no one.

"Sure as I'm gonna to get."

"Thanks, dad," I mumbled before I slipped out of the booth.

I tapped Edward's arm when I reached the counter. He glanced over his shoulder; his jaw line pronounced itself at the movement. I felt urged to let my fingers trace the skin along that line. When his eyes lifted up and he smiled at me with surprise, I relaxed immediately. No matter what, his mere presence elicited a steady undulation of calm; he was safety to me, always.

"What are you doing here, stranger?" I asked, easily pecking his forehead while he remained seated.

"It's a new day," he said, still grinning. "It's sunny and I'm hungry, and I've never stopped in here before."

"Come on. Join me and Charlie." I snatched his hand and tugged. He didn't move to follow, and I saw his smile vanish. "You're here with your father?"

"Yeah. We come here for breakfast a lot."

"Bella. I don't want to intrude. I'm spending the entire day with you. I'll just pick you up at your house in a while."

"You don't want to sit with me?" I blinked and pushed my lips out. Edward just scoffed.

"You know very well what I want. But your dad is not very fond of me - to put it lightly - and I'm sure he's even less than thrilled with my return to Forks."

"He told me to invite you over. Now come on. He's going to be in our life for good, now that things have, uhm, changed, right?" I honestly smiled.

Edward relented and followed me back to our booth. Charlie was reading the newspaper Agnes had dropped off. He lowered it only slightly to assess us.

"Hello, Chief Swan. I don't want to impose on your breakfast with Bella, but I wanted to say hello. It's nice to see you again."

Charlie raised one bushy eyebrow, cleared his throat, and said, "Sit down, son."

Edward ushered me into the vinyl aqua booth and quickly followed me in. The newspaper crinkled noisily as Charlie folded it up and set it off to the side. He looked Edward up and down for a good minute. "What happened to you, boy?"

I was startled by how large Edward's eyes had grown since sitting down. He fingered one of the cuts above his forehead self-consciously. I focused on the bruise still occupying his cheek. He had never seemed so disconcerted by my father's presence before. "There was a car accident in, um, Alaska. My cousin's car was hit by another driver who lost control."

"That's too bad. You'll be okay, I trust?"

"Yes, yes. Getting stronger every day."

"I guess having Carlisle around must come in handy for a situation like this. You're lucky to have such a great doc as a father."

"Yes, Chief. Extremely lucky."

"So how long will you be in Forks, _this_ time?"

Edward's eyebrow flexed; he was obviously trying to read whatever answer Charlie was looking for.

"I intend to stay for good, sir."

Charlie merely nodded and slugged down his coffee. "That's good to hear, Edward," he said, but I couldn't gauge the level of sincerity in his statement. I was merely content he had finally addressed him by his name.

"I see the Walton's just came in. I'm going to catch up with them for a little bit. Please excuse me, you two. Order for me when Agnes comes back will ya, Bella? My usual."

"Sure, dad."

I heard Edward exhale loudly when we were left alone in the booth. I pushed my hair behind my ears and turned to him, expectant.

"This is much harder than I expected," he muttered.

"What is?"

"Not hearing … everything. I can't read anyone's thoughts. I'm lost."

"I thought it was easier this way. Better."

He roughly pushed his hands up through his hair.

"With the family, I was glad to be rid of their voices. I didn't want to be in their heads. It always gave me such a feeling of invasion. But, I never realized just how much I relied on hearing the thoughts of people. I relied on the ability so much … I almost don't how to function without it."

I snuck my hand into his and squeezed.

"And your father. I'm now utterly _terrified_ of him. It was so much easier to know what to say to him when I knew in what direction his thoughts were taking him."

"Don't worry about Charlie."

He shook his head and exhaled a defeated breath.

"Hey," I whispered, "you're going to do fine without that special talent of yours. It's not like any of the rest of us had that unfair advantage. Now, you are on the human level. Isn't that where you've always wanted to be?"

His green eyes darted to meet my face from beneath heavy lashes. He nodded with an attempted smile. I pulled out the menu and spread it open in between us.

"Now, what do you feel like for our first meal out?"

"I've taken you out to restaurants before." He was bending over to study the pictures and clasping my hand tightly inside of his below the table.

"No, this truly is a first. You and I are ordering together. You're actually _eating_ with me this time. That is quite special, don't you think so?"

He looked up at me, studied my face for a moment and then smiled magnificently. "Yes, Bella. This is very special. Thank you."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The trip to Port Angeles was quiet. Edward stared serenely out the window most of the time, pensive eyes watching the rows of conifers that we passed along the roadside. He said nothing of what he thought.

I drove, paralleling his silence. There was no roaring engine because I was driving the Volvo. And there was no music because Edward had asked if we could ride without it.

But I was content, happy at the extreme comfort I found in our quietness. No one chased us, and no one was running away. Danger did not stalk. I was Bella and he was Edward, and we were two people who loved each other. I was going to extend my family to include the Cullens. I was going to have Edward _and_ I got to keep Charlie and Renee.

And that was a happier ending than I had ever conjured up in my own head.

His hand rested on my knee. I let my own hand fall down to palm his. He maneuvered his long fingers around and enfolded mine, and he grasped securely before he lifted my hand back up, wrapping my fingers around the steering wheel himself. He tucked my hair behind my ear, brushed his thumb along my cheek and down to my lips, and then returned his absorbed stare to the forestry around us.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Volunteers crowded along the main street when we arrived in Port Angeles. Tents and tables were being erected up and down the sidewalks. I could see the Ferris wheel already assembled at Lincoln Park's entrance down the road. Edward held onto my arm as we made our way down the street in search of Angela.

We found her at a booth with a banner reading, "Bucket Toss". She was holding a hammer and blowing her bangs out of her face in determination. Her eyes met mine and she yelped giddily. She dropped the hammer on the grass and hugged me quickly.

"I'm so glad to see you, Bella! Jess and Lauren were supposed to be here hours ago. I'm so far behind." She glanced across to Edward and smiled kindly at him.

"Wow, Edward. Bella didn't tell me you were back."

"I came back last week. How has your summer been, Angela?"

"Hectic. But great. Thanks for asking."

"What can we help you with?"

I could see Angela's eyes squinting at him behind her dark-rimmed glasses as if we were back in school and she was trying to figure out a calculus problem.

Edward merely continued to smile. He had always liked Angela as my friend.

"Well, first of all, I can't seem to nail these buckets to this board. I need six rows of six buckets… I have to make banners for the other booths our school is volunteering for, I need to inflate the kiddy pools for the duck ponds, and-"

"Just tell me where to start," I interrupted with a reassuring smile, patting her on the shoulder. I was glad this would be her last summer of shouldering such a workload. We had already graduated, and next year Angela would be off in Seattle with Ben in college. I perked up as I could finally imagine myself in college with Edward.

"Do you have a drill, Angela?" Edward asked as he bent down to grab a shiny red bucket.

"Yeah, I think. I think Ben has it. He's around here somewhere."

"I'll go find him," he offered.

"Thanks, Edward," she said.

Angela led me to folding table covered with huge sheets of banner paper and fat markers in various colors. "Kissing Booth, Pie in the Face, Dunk A Teacher, Balloon Darts. I need posters for each one," she said as she handed me a purple marker. We bent over the table and started decorating the blank paper.

"Edward's face," Angela began.

"Car accident in Alaska," I responded, not looking up from my work.

"No. I mean, I'm glad he's okay. But that's not what I'm talking about. He's different."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I continued to color in the bubble letters on my poster.

"I can't place it, but there's definitely something."

"He's been in the sun more than usual…?" I offered lamely.

"Hmmm." She was drawing sets of pink lips all over the Kissing Booth banner. "No, he's changed. Even the way he stands."

Damn her insightful disposition.

"He seems more … approachable. Genuine even. Edward was always so withdrawn before. I mean, I saw you guys today and he came right up to me. Edward Cullen never stands that close to anyone. Well except you, of course."

I shrugged as I considered Angela's observations.

He didn't have the power to crush another person with a single pump of his fists. No danger lurked for the human subconscious to latch onto. No unexplainable warning signals firing off in the brain.

Edward didn't have cold, hard skin to hide any longer. He could stand as close to others as he wanted to now. The revelation caused me to wonder about all the time Edward had spent without human touch. All the years – days and nights, not even broken apart by sleep.

I gripped my marker tightly, forcing myself to stay put. I couldn't hunt him down only to tackle him in the middle of the park, even if I wanted to smother him with kisses. With touch.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Angela had not been lying. She truly was behind her schedule. Nevertheless, by four-thirty, all five of the Forks' Booths were set up and fully decorated – complete as any of the other fifty booths filling the park. I plopped down on a folding chair beside Angela as we waited for Edward and Ben. They had helped many of the other volunteers with loading and assembling rides, and therefore, had been out of our sights most of the afternoon.

"You should have dinner with us tonight, Bella. You and Edward. My treat. You've both been heaps of help today."

"That sounds like a plan."

"I'm sure the guys are starving. I know I am. What's your favorite place in Port Angeles?"

"Oh. Edward's been up for anything lately," I explained with a controlled smile.

"Even though it's been really warm all day, I feel like pasta. I say Italian. Maybe that one little place – the one where you and Edward, you know, had your first date all that time ago?" She smiled sweetly and winked.

"That wasn't a date." I was rolling my eyes at her when Ben sauntered over to us, followed slowly by Edward. My eyes secured their gaze on his face, which was damp from sweat. Slightly flushed cheeks against pale skin. I moved to him and slipped under his arm, meshing my body against his as extra support. His wearied eyes gazed down at me, clearly struggling to focus clearly.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"I might have over done it a bit today." His grin was meant to relax me. I tensed slightly more.

"Sorry about that, Bella." Ben was looking at me and rubbing his neck, sweat stains darkening his own tee shirt. "There were a lot of needy people out here today. We must have unloaded four trucks. I'm gonna be sore for a week. Hope it wasn't too much for you, Edward, after that car accident."

"It looks like it's going to be one of the best carnivals yet, though," Edward switched topics too smoothly as he waved his hand around at the finished park. I felt his fingers pressing into my skin and wondered if he knew how tightly he was grasping at my shoulder. I felt the weight of his body against mine. He was leaning into me, voluntarily or not. I steadied my feet, ready to take on more of his burden.

"Ready for dinner, guys?" Angela asked as Ben looped his arm around her waist.

"Can we get a rain check, Ang? Maybe later in the week?" I asked. "I just remembered we had plans with Edward's family tonight."

"Oh. Yeah, of course. Thanks again. So much. You too, Edward. You've been so much help."

"It was no problem. I enjoyed it. We'll see you later, Angela. Ben."

As we headed back to the car, Edward squeezed my arm. "Hey. Tell me why we're not going to dinner with them."

"Edward. You look like you're going to pass out on your feet. I should have been watching more closely."

"Protective much?" he grinned and pushed his lips against the top of my head as we reached the Volvo.

"Well," I bit out, surprisingly upset. "You're making me worry."

He laughed as we settled into our seats. "And you're starting to sound like me."

I clamped my mouth shut, narrowly avoiding the tip of my tongue. "You shouldn't have done so much today."

"I guess I haven't learned my limits yet," he said through a poor attempt at stifling a yawn.

I sighed and pushed the damp strips of copper from his face. He laid his head back against the seat; he closed his eyes. "We should have gone to dinner with Ben and Angela," he mumbled. "I'm hungry. Starving, I think."

He opened one eye to me. "I saw a banner at the carnival. Deep Fried Twinkies. We'll have to get one when the fair opens. I want one."

"Gross, Edward." I shuddered and drove onto the main street toward the highway. I was silent, but thoughts were blasting about in my mind. _I should have watched him. I shouldn't have trusted him to take it easy on himself. I should have made sure he ate. After all, until last week, he _never_ ate._

"Bella."

I glanced over at him. His eyes were closed again.

"Stop it," he said. "Stop worrying, because I'm fine. Just tired."

"And starving," I muttered under my breath. And sweating and pale. Exhausted. Bruised and torn. Not healing. Weak.

Of course. _You're fine, Edward. Just great._

Over twenty minutes passed. I was driving through a cluster of massive, ancient trees; the branches married each other over the road, creating a thick canopy – a private tunnel. It was my favorite area of the drive to Forks.

A sudden blur of gray against the greenery startled me. An object flashed against my driver side window, and I yelped in alarm. I processed the situation quickly, however. I focused on the pale limb that extended itself through the open window and held the steering wheel steady as I regained composure. I looked up to find Carlisle urging me to slide over and let him inside the car.

I maneuvered into the passenger seat with Edward, who was still asleep. I let go of the wheel as soon as Carlisle transferred himself to the inside of the vehicle and gained access to the gas pedal.

"Didn't mean to frighten you, Bella."

I should have been more startled over having a vampire fling himself against the car like a leech clinging to flesh. But it had happened before and most likely would happen again. I was much more concerned over the fact that Edward hadn't awoken to any of it.

"Is something wrong, Carlisle?"

His eyes were tight and cautious, much as they had been before.

"I was just keeping an eye out for you two. It was a sunny day today, and this area was the first opportunity I had to intercede. I can hear his stomach rumbling from quite a distance."

"I'm glad you're watching out for Edward. I didn't do such a good job today."

"Bella," he chided. "You are taking care of him remarkably. Please don't be so hard on yourself. This is new for all of us."

I knew he was right, so I tried something new; I tried letting it go. Edward's head sunk further down on my shoulder. I held him tightly.

"Faster, please," I requested, glad for Carlisle's driving capabilities. We would make it home much quicker. "He needs serious nourishment. I mean, a deep fried Twinkie actually appealed to him earlier." I laughed and stroked Edward's still damp forehead.

"We'll be at the house in a flash now," he assured with a smile. Carlisle's soothing voice always did wonders to comfort me.

If only his once gentle eyes - now guarded – would stop their contradiction with Carlisle's efforts, I might have actually been relieved. Instead, the ball of anxiety sitting in the pit of my stomach continued to grow.


	9. A Jump Start

A total fuss. That's what I had turned into. It was nearly eight o'clock, and Edward still hadn't awoken since the drive home from Port Angeles before sundown.

I wandered through the massive house, checking on him every half-hour.

Esme urged me to relax, though the request contradicted her own anxious behavior. She lingered in the kitchen, wrapping up the dinner she had prepared for Edward. She was moving at a human's pace tonight, her movements deliberately gradual and heavy. She was troubled.

"Maybe I shouldn't go tonight," she said. "Carlisle assured me that Edward's fine, but maybe it's best if I just stay."

"Esme," Carlisle spoke as he entered the kitchen. "You single-handedly organized this charity event for the hospital. I will not set foot on that floor without you on my arm." He pecked her on the cheek before sliding his arm around her waist, squeezing her sides. He was reassuring her. I smiled at the comforting gesture, still seeking some reassurance of my own. Esme's face had reflected what I felt. Vexing worry over Edward.

I tapped the table as I checked my watch and puffed out my breath. It had only been ten minutes since I last checked on him, when I was sure it would have been closer to forty-five. When I glanced back up, I found both Esme and Carlisle watching me.

"Everyone just needs to relax," Carlisle instructed. "Edward is very worn out, but he is merely resting. Now we need to get going, Esme. You haven't been out in a while, and tonight people are expecting you. I will take you dancing all over the floor, and you _will _have a good time," he instructed with a beaming smile. He twirled her around right there beside the kitchen counter until she caved in and finally giggled.

"Alice and Jasper will be home soon, Bella. Are you sure it's all right with Charlie that you're staying the night?"

I looked hesitantly at Esme.

"I'm not sure if you could say he's all right with it. But he's coming to accept that I'm not a child anymore." I wasn't even in high school any longer. The only reason I was still at home was because life as we'd all known it had been on hold due to Edward's disappearance.

Esme nodded, kissed me on the top of my head, and rushed out of the kitchen to finish readying for a night out with her husband. Carlisle moved to follow, but I spoke quickly to stop him.

"What's really wrong with Edward?" I asked. My voice was flat; it sounded dead.

His eyebrows arched. "I told you," he said, forever polite. "He is still healing and is extremely tired."

"Why? Why did you take over the car this afternoon? Why are you watching him so closely when you keep telling the rest of us to relax?"

Carlisle's lips formed that tense, tight line again. I pushed further anyway.

"You know something I don't," I surmised.

He stared at me quietly, not denying my statement.

"Tell me," I said. I felt my limbs begin to tremble from the anticipated dread.

"If there is something to tell, Edward will tell you when he's ready," Carlisle answered. His face silently pleaded to me.

"No," I said and swallowed harshly as I shook my head. "No, he won't, because he thinks he's protecting me…. Please, tell me. I have to know what's wrong with him. Please, Carlisle."

"Ahh, Bella," he sighed my name. "You are like my child too. And I can't deny you…. You have the right to know."

I simply nodded and began prepping myself for the impact of his pending words. I balled my hands up at my side and stiffened in my seat. Carlisle walked out of the kitchen and returned only a moment later, clutching a small case in his pale hands. I immediately recognized it as the case I had found in Edward's backpack after our picnic. He gingerly placed it on the table in front of me and began unzipping it.

"Edward retrieved this from the woods while you waited with Emmett after your picnic, Bella." He opened the case, revealing a small glass bottle and several syringes.

"What is this?" I asked, not sure why I was whispering.

"A medicine that Edward escaped from that laboratory with. It is a chemical very similar to what they used to start his heart again."

I traced over the contents with my fingers as I listened.

"I confronted Edward that night, while you were upstairs talking to Rosalie on the phone. Though _you_ can't smell it, these chemicals have a strong odor. He told me that he had lost these the night we found him. That's why he chose that spot for your picnic. He needed to find this medicine. He still needs it."

"I don't understand."

"Don't be alarmed when I say this, Bella, but Edward needs what's in this vial for the time being. It's a medicine that can't be absorbed through the digestive tract. He needs to be injected with this serum….. His body needs it in order to function properly."

I gasped when the panic came; it slammed into my chest like a giant sea swell. Harsh and cold and all-consuming. I was vaguely aware of Carlisle's hand as it squeezed my own. My eyes clung to the case before me.

"Though Edward's status as a vampire allowed him to remain untouched by age, it seems as though his organs are not as vital as a seventeen year-old's should be now that he has … shall we say … thawed from our kind's frozen-like form."

"His organs are failing?" There surely wasn't enough air in the room. I gasped harder, unsteady even though I was still sitting down.

"Please calm down, Bella. His organs are not exactly failing. Think of his body like an old motor. It's capable of working just fine, but it just needs a little help restarting."

My mind lurched through jumbled memories and living fears. Needles. Edward's twinkling green eyes in the sun with watermelon juice rolling down his chin. An imagined lab with maniacal doctors. Those damn needles – shiny and simple and horrible. I could imagine Edward lying helpless on a floor. I remembered a childhood summer day and Charlie yanking the cord on our ancient lawn mower, trying to get the old engine to turn over.

Surely, Edward wasn't like that on the inside. Old and failing. I couldn't stop shaking. Carlisle's cool hands ran up and down my arms and startled me out of my head.

I looked down at the case and its contents again. "So, Edward needs this to live?"

I snapped my eyes shut when I saw Carlisle nod his head. I didn't want to see any more confirmation of this, my greatest fear. I shouldn't have hoped. I had known it all along. At least deep down in my gut, I did.

"He needs to be changed back, Carlisle. Don't let this go on any longer." I was now adamant. I was not a risky girl, especially not when it came to Edward's life. No more waiting.

"I promised him, you must understand. I promised my son that I wouldn't go against his wishes and change him."

"Then take it back," I pleaded.

"I made a promise that I don't want to keep, Bella. But I _can't _just take it back."

"Why not?"

"I changed Edward Anthony Mason in 1918. And I've tortured myself over that decision for all these decades. I condemned a boy to an immortality of blood thirst and loneliness. Isolation.... He believed himself a monster all this time, Bella. And it was by my doing. He had no choice in the matter."

"This doesn't make sense," I whispered to myself. I had never been a vampire, but I had come to love an entire family of them. I believed that to be enough to understand them and the life they led. Maybe not, because I could not comprehend how an immortal life could fall short against immediate death in anyone's mind.

"He has the choice now, Bella. He has _this_ choice. It was never mine to make."

"He's dying, Carlisle," I spat, mortified. "He doesn't want to die. Surely, you know that!"

"We do not know if he's dying. Edward is very strong-willed. He has a lot to fight for. I fully believe he can recover. I'm trying to find a way to amplify the strength of the chemicals."

I could only shake my head as I started crying. My mind was racing to future scenarios. Ones that involved my universe without Edward. Just the possibility of such a void made me want to fall to my knees. I couldn't bare it.

"I trust Edward to know if his fight is in vain. He _won't_ leave you, Bella. If it becomes impossible for him to remain human, he will concede. He will allow me to change him. I am certain of it."

I tried very hard to put my faith in his words. I thought again about Charlie pulling the lawn mower's cord, trying to bring its old engine back to life. I wasn't fully convinced, and Carlisle seemed to sense that.

"His reliance on these injections is not permanent, so you need to calm down right this instant. He needs this only for now. Soon, his body will take completely to the medication and he will fully heal."

"Like a car battery?" I asked meekly, pushing tears from my face left and right in frustration. Through my watery haze, I saw Carlisle eyeing me uncertainly.

"He just needs a jump start? That's what this is for?"

Carlisle surprised me by laughing. "Yes, just like a car battery, Bella. He just needs a jump start."

I couldn't argue any longer because the calm assurance had finally returned to Carlisle's eyes. I eased the muscles in my back, but my chest kept a constricted fist around my heart. Carlisle knew his child better than any parent could know any child; he had experienced a century with Edward after all. That thought calmed me. Carlisle was certain Edward would know if it was too dangerous to continue.

But didn't Carlisle know just how utterly stubborn Edward could be?

I was still human. Despite my full-fledged desire. Despite the Cullen majority vote to change me. Despite all logic, Edward had fought hard to keep me human. He went and found a way to become human himself just so that he wouldn't have to change me.

That proved my Edward was too damn stubborn for his own good, indeed.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Carlisle had spent another several minutes coaxing me back down from the height of my panic attack. Esme was once again unsure about leaving. I braved a weak smile and insisted they go. Carlisle returned the medicine case to Edward's room and they were finally able to leave for the charity event.

I went into the bedroom. Edward hadn't even changed sleeping positions, lying on his side with his back to the door. I watched his body rise and fall steadily as he breathed, and I was comforted greatly with each normal intake of air. He truly seemed okay.

I settled on the couch downstairs and started watching Grey's Anatomy, but I quickly found any medical talk brought a new and instant panic to my chest, so I settled on reruns of Friends. I grew bored after a few episodes and ended up meandering through the empty rooms in silence, too restless yet to lie down.

Alice and Jasper weren't home. They had called once to check in. By eleven-thirty, I was tired enough to attempt sleep. I went to the kitchen first, though. I was not going to rest until Edward ate something.

It was when I was taking out Edward's dinner from the refrigerator that I heard the familiar crunching sound of gravel beneath car tires. I made my way to the bay window in the front room in time to see a gray sedan creeping by the house, its headlights off. Nothing but forest surrounded us for miles, so I was certain the driver's focus was on the Cullen home. It crept so slowly that it was hard to make out if it was indeed moving. No one ever appeared this far out in the woods and on this road. Ever.

I ran to the door and flung it open. I padded down the driveway without any shoes, wrapping my sweater tightly across my chest. The thin fabric felt useless against the brittle night's chill. I think a nerve in the back of my brain was shooting off a flare, trying to say something along the lines of, "Bella, you are so very stupid. Don't go outside."

But I was already outside, so I reasoned it was too late to listen to the rational part of me. I scrambled down the drive and quickly caught up to the crawling vehicle. The glass was heavily tinted. Even the front windows were much too dark to see through. Dark enough to be against the law, Charlie would say.

The car stopped and I stood at the passenger side, trying in vain to see inside. The window remained up. I hesitantly rapped my knuckles against it.

"Are you lost?" I asked slowly and loudly. Nothing moved. I stared at my reflection in the black tint as the car's engine hummed.

"You're on private property," I tried again, now feeling the thud of my heart beating. The lack of response from the person inside sent an instant wave of goose bumps up and down my arms.

"Are you lost?" I repeated.

A grinding noise assaulted my ears, and I literally jumped off the ground at the abrupt and loud sound. The driver had revved the engine. I staggered back from the car, ready to sprint back inside and call Alice. Before I could turn around, though, the gray car lurched away from me, now speeding into the night's blackness, leaving tufts of dust in the air as it disappeared down the dark road.

The forest became apparent to me again. An owl hooted and the rustling sounds from underneath the trees surfaced.

I wanted to be back inside and safe instantly. I hurled myself back up the driveway and slammed the door shut, fumbling over the lock.

I was suddenly frustrated that no one was home with Edward and me. We needed to know who was in that car. I was about to dial Alice when I heard Edward calling me from upstairs. I quickly sent a text message, letting her know everything was okay but that she should come home soon.

I rushed to grab the food from the kitchen. I glanced down at my watch as I hurried up the stairs. It was nearly midnight, but he was finally awake. Everything else slipped to the sideline of my thoughts as I focused on only him.

I flicked the lights on, and he groaned from the new brightness.

"Have a good sleep?" I asked as I slid a chair beside the bed.

"I'm not done yet. I just want you to lay down with me," he said through a yawn and beckoned for me to crawl in beside him.

"Not until you eat something."

I was prepared to force feed him when he groggily complained that he simply wanted to go back to bed.

"You were starving when we left Port Angeles this afternoon," I reminded him as I speared a piece of grilled chicken from the plate in my lap. I held it up in front of his pursed lips, nudging it against his mouth when he made no move to take a bite. He finally let it pass his lips.

"I'm still tired," he mumbled weakly with his mouth full and eyes closed. I held my breath and refused to allow any fear to percolate. Not just yet.

"Open," I commanded and pushed another piece of chicken into his mouth. He chewed begrudgingly.

"No more," he told me, gently pushing my hand away.

"At least drink some of this," I insisted. I handed him a glass and he eyed the thick green liquid warily. I gave him a hard look, hoping to appear stern and threatening. He smirked at me but obliged, putting the rim to his mouth. I helped him and tilted the cup, ensuring he would swallow. He did, and then he very nearly spit it out. He struggled to choke the drink back down.

"What _was_ that?" He swiped the back of his hand against his lips.

"Wheatgrass juice."

He was still making a sour face, looking at me like a betrayed little boy after being forced to eat his most hated vegetable. I shrugged, suppressing my own amused grin.

"It's supposed to have a lot of protein and all of the nutrients that the body needs. I read that it's a good cleanser too," I defended, unsure if I would even drink it myself. I took the glass and set it on the nightstand, grabbing the plate of chicken again.

"This is thoroughly embarrassing. You know that, right?" he asked mirthfully. His bloodshot eyes were fully open now and staring up at me.

"This is thoroughly terrifying. You know _that,_ right?" I strained to mimic his light tone, but I'm pretty sure I failed magnificently, because his face sobered immediately. He placed his hand on my knee, gripping me with white-knuckled fingers.

"Remember when we came back from Italy, Bella? You refused to sleep even though you were exhausted. And when we finally made it home, I watched you sleep for over fourteen hours. Do you remember that kind of tiredness?"

I continued cutting the chicken on his plate, replying with only a curt nod. Any further response on my part would most likely elicit tears or an anxiety-laden breakdown.

"I'm sure this is that kind of tiredness. I told you I overdid it today. Nothing more."

"Don't take me for a fool, Edward. This," I waved the fork over him, "is not right."

He pulled away and folded his hands over his chest. He was staring at the ceiling, clearly uncomfortable. I abandoned the plate on the nightstand, sighing in frustration. I doubted I could make him eat any more.

"Thank you," he spoke quietly, eyes still upward. "I know this must be very … difficult – taking care of me like a child - but … thank you, Bella."

"Is that what you think? That taking care of you is what bothers me?" I stood up beside him and he breathed in heavily.

"Yes," he said after a time.

"You couldn't be more wrong," I told him.

"This is only temporary, Bella. I'll get better. I _will_ be better for you."

"You're scaring me," I admitted, my voice wavering. "I know I don't want to make it without you, and you're scaring me."

His hands were fists and he kept tightening them, all the while never looking away from the ceiling. "This is the only way it can be."

"But it doesn't," I insisted, surprising myself at the desperation that spewed from me. "My heart was yours before I even fully knew you. I know it's supposed to be you. You and me, Edward."

"It _is_ you and me," he agreed. "Your heart was mine, you say. And I considered killing you. Those were my very first thoughts about you, Bella. The monster in me wanted to kill you. How can you ever wish to be something so vile for my sake?"

Edward's eyes were stony, his body rigid as he spoke.

"I have to protect you. And I consider that job sacred, because I can't live without you either. I love you, Bella. So yes, it _is_ you and me. I'm not leaving you…. I will see to it that you, your adorable blush, and … your soul … are going to stay intact. And I'm going to grow old to share in it."

He sounded so adamant. His words were spoken with strength. He finally turned his head to look at me. There were unshed tears curtaining over his eyes.

Edward rolled out of bed and made his way to the corner of the room. "You have to believe me," he said as he opened the second dresser drawer. He extracted the very case Carlisle had shown to me earlier that evening.

He made his way back to the bed and crawled across it until he was kneeling on the mattress beside my chair. He started unzipping the case, but unlike Carlisle, Edward's hands were shaking as he did so. He set the opened case in his lap and pulled a very small vial of liquid out of its elastic holder. He shook it back and forth.

"This is the medicine that's healing me, Bella. I took it when I escaped. Not all of the people in that lab are against us. A very genuine doctor seemed to take pity on me. Professor Farrow. For whatever reason, he helped me steal these serums before I fled the facility."

He took a syringe from the case and pumped it full of the vial's contents. He held the needle up openly for me to see, and I knew he didn't want to hide it from me.

"Don't be scared by this, Bella. I'm not lying to you when I say I'm feeling better. You must believe me," He was desperate, and knowing that nearly broke me in two.

I reached out and lifted up his shirt. I saw several more small welts like the first one that I had originally assumed to be a bug bite. I took the needle from his hands.

"I believe you," I said as I pushed him gently down, coaxing him to lay flat on his back.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his hands never letting go of my arms as I crawled into the bed and straddled him.

"I have to protect you too. It goes both ways. Now, it's my turn." I pushed his shirt further up. I moved to insert the needle into his abdomen. Stopping just above his warm skin, I looked up into his eyes. "I trust you, Edward."

His taut face filled with certain relief. He knew I was on his side.

Then, I slipped the sharp point down, injecting the medicine that needed to work a miracle and heal Edward's wearied body.


	10. Ignorance and the Bliss

Since there's been a big span of time since my last update, I'm posting a very, very brief summary of the story so far, (it's been so long, you might have forgotten what's already happened). If you haven't read the story at all yet, don't read any further! Go to chapter 1, please. Those that have already read this story, please continue here.

(Remember AU story only because there's no Jacob/wolves in this world)

Shortly after Edward and Bella return from the Volturi in Italy (the events of New Moon), Edward is somehow kidnapped.

Bella and The Cullens search for him in vain for several months

The story begins the night they find Edward in the woods.

He is hurt and … seemingly human.

Bella and the Cullens tend to his weakened state and figure out that an elite, secret group of people have found a way to chemically strip vampires of all their strength and venom, essentially transforming them back into humans.

Edward is elated at the chance to be human for Bella.

Bella is wary of the change but she and the Cullens begin to cope with the situation, even though Edward doesn't seem to be healing physically from his ordeal.

One night while Edward and Bella are home alone without the family, Bella sees a black-tinted car creeping around the secluded Cullen property. When she runs outside to investigate further, the car speeds away.

That same night Bella finds out that Edward needs a certain chemical injected into his bloodstream in order for him to fully heal or his organs won't begin to function correctly and his human body to fail.

Carlisle has promised to go along with Edward's wish and not change him back into a vampire. Bella is torn and in constant fear for Edward's safety now that he is no longer immortal. Edward adamantly vows to remain human in order to give Bella all that he couldn't before.

Thanks for still reading. Now on to the newest chapter, Ignorance and the Bliss….

Ignorance and the Bliss.

For one day I felt like everything was perfect in my little world.

Saturday. The day we went to the Port Angeles Annual Carnival. A day of tender moments and reassurance. Fuzzy, heart-warming nostalgia along with the creation of new memories to carry into a promised future. I was in that bubble of bliss for one solitary day.

And then the dark hour arrived, and as the black night fell upon us, I was finally made aware of just how perilous Edward's human change would be to all of us.

….

**Saturday Morning…. **

A blood red flower, blooming and ever vibrant and healthy. That was Edward to me now.

When I had found him in the forest that first night, he was wilting - teetering sickly and in danger of fading away.

Four days passed since I had found out about the chemical injections Edward's body needed to properly function as human. And in those four days, I saw Edward grow stronger, concreting his status as … mortal.

I remember Esme saying once that flowers feed the soul. She was always placing spectacular arrangements throughout the house. Edward was my flower; he fed_ my_ soul. He was alive – in every single sense of the word.

And we were going to spend a very normal, human day together at the Port Angeles Annual Carnival.

I was much too giddy for my liking as I drove out to the Cullens on Saturday morning in a pair of dark blue jeans and a purple peasant top. I tapped eagerly on the gas, feeling the pedal through the thinning material of my favorite converse sneakers.

I was early, and Edward wasn't home. Carlisle smiled when he told me that he had gone for a morning run. I smiled too as I pondered the novel concept of Edward and _cardio_ exercise.

I wandered up to his bedroom, plopping down onto the slightly rumpled bed. Glancing around, I noticed the seemingly mundane details that signaled Edward's change. He was still a very neat and clearly organized person. But the bed was being used now. He had an actual alarm clock, and it was set to 7:00 am on the night stand. Through the open bathroom door, I could see a razor and a red can of shaving cream on the edge of the sink.

I laid back against the golden comforter, actually feeling his presence around me. This room was being _lived_ in. I closed my eyes and let the warm sunrays stretch across my skin through the giant windows.

It felt like only moments later when the sinking of the mattress pulled me from a near sleep and I focused bleary eyes on Edward's face as he hovered over me. His cheeks were warm and his skin a glistening pink - his smile brilliantly easy over his lips. I couldn't stop my own mouth from curving into a grin at his contented state.

"So you're a jogger now, huh?" I asked and pulled him closer down to me on the bed. He chuckled. His body warmth radiated, almost tangible enough to reach out and touch.

"Easy, Bella. I'm a little on the sweaty side. I really should shower." He held himself a mere inch over me with sturdy arms as unmoving pillars on either side of my head.

"I honestly don't mind at all." I let my finger tips feather over his damp skin and wet hair. The sweat that worked to cool him intensified his distinct smell, a scent that I know I will never be able to describe with mere words. It was simply Edward, and it made me feel like I was home.

"I've never felt this good," he whispered to me, now tracing his thumb over and over my brow bone. It tickled in the most pleasant way.

"Really?"

He moved his face to align green eyes with brown.

"Really. Carlisle thinks a few more days worth of injections and I will be as healthy as any other teenager. I feel strong already. Stronger than I thought a human could be." He watched timidly for my reaction. I saw the sincerity that rested in those vibrant eyes as he continued to stare down at me.

"That's all I wanted to hear." The one piece of information put me at complete ease in his arms.

His hand slipped through my hair and found its way to the back of my neck, lifting my head up from the bed until my lips raised to meet his. His kisses were happy and relieved, and his entire demeanor exuded triumph. He seemed so light-hearted - completely carefree, even.

I no longer knew if I had ever fully understood the depth of Edward's despair as a vampire trying to love a simple human girl, until now. Now that he was human and no longer tortured by the fear of harming me.

He had been stripped from his inner demons and rendered weightless. I clasped my arms around his back and anchored him down to me. He – my impossible dream – would not float away from me ever again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Saturday Afternoon….**

The sun stayed tucked behind harmless white clouds but the day was warm and muggy. The smells of funnel cake and sparkler smoke drifted through the summery air, and my empty fingers itched for Edward's hand. He had remained home to shower first and Alice insisted we spend a little sisterly bonding time together while we waited.

"I haven't been to a Carnival in decades, Bella. This is splendid," she lilted, flitting around and zig-zagging through the crowd. I stumbled after, only able to follow because she kept a firm hand around my forearm. "I love the atmosphere of a festival. Everything just buzzes! What shall we do first?"

My thorough lack of coordination prevented me from winning any of the carnival games, and I wanted to wait for Edward to ride the Ferris Wheel, so I lamely suggested BINGO. Alice narrowed her eyes before dragging me to the face painting booth and blatantly ignoring my suggestion.

"Pick one," she said, sweeping her hand across the row of images displayed on the table. I studied them carefully.

"I haven't had my face painted since I was seven, Alice."

"This is the closest I usually get you to make-up. Now, choose," she demanded playfully.

I sighed and let my hand drift over the pictures before quickly pointing to a unicorn. The older woman nodded and then beamed at Alice. "And for you dear?" she asked.

"Oh. No, I'm going to pass right now, thank you," Alice replied, and I looked away, knowing why she had to decline. Alice's icy, hard skin would incite questions from the face painter if she dwelled so closely to her cheek for any amount of time.

I sat down and tilted my head for the lady, and she commenced her artwork along my cheek. Alice watched with wonder-filled eyes. I still marveled at how child-like she seemed to be about practically anything.

Several minutes later, Alice and I were traipsing through the grasses of Lincoln Park. We strolled through some craft tables to waste time, and then Alice showed Tyler Crowley up at the Slam Dunk Station, winning a stuffed koala bear. She hugged it with a mirthful grin as she swung our hands back and forth between us.

I heard my name being called from somewhere up ahead.

"It's Angela," Alice told me as she slyly wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"Bella, thank gawd! I need the biggest favor. Ever." Angela ran up to me. She smiled down at Alice and waved before aiming a full-on pleading pout toward me. "Please!"

"Sure, Angela. What do you need help with?"

Angela spat her next words out so quickly I had to replay them in my head to comprehend what she had actually said.. "Err… I need you to help man one of the booths - I need an extra kisser at the Kissing Booth."

Her request clicked into understanding when I saw the comical smirk spread across Alice's face.

"Um. The Kissing Booth? Really?"

Angela nodded seriously. "Jessica and Lauren are already there, but we need a third if we're going to raise the full three hundred dollars for charity. Meghan's a no-show."

"Ummm," I stalled, not knowing how to proceed. I didn't want to let Angela down, but I definitely didn't want to kiss anyone. Anyone but Edward.

"You don't want to do it, I know, I know…. Maybe you would like to volunteer, Alice?" Angela sounded desperate.

I stared wide-eyed at Alice, knowing that was _not_ an option.

"No, no. Angela, it's okay. I'll do it," I uttered weakly. Angela squeaked and lunged to hug me. She waved her clip board in gesture for us to follow her.

Alice walked beside me. "Crazy, Bella," she whispered with a laugh.

"Well, _you_ couldn't very well go kissing all these boys," I mumbled.

"This blouse is three-hundred dollars. I was fully prepared to state my desire to spare it from all that adolescent saliva. Then we both would have been off the hook. You didn't have to play martyr."

I grumbled under my breath and crossed my arms across my chest. It was too late to change anything, because I wouldn't deny my friend a favor I had just promised.

"It's fine, Alice. I … can do this," I whispered back as Angela turned around and grabbed my arm. We both hurried over to the booth. Alice's musical laughter filled my ears somewhere behind me as Angela and I maneuvered through the throngs of people.

"Your tickets are green, Bella," Angela was telling me as she tugged me toward the kissing booth. Jessica was already there behind the wooden counter, looking far too eager for anyone's good. Lauren sat to her left, chatting with a group of older guys that I didn't recognize.

"Jessica's are red and Lauren's are blue. There's a hundred of each color. That's one hundred tickets you each need to sell – one hundred dollars and then you're finished."

"One hundred kisses?" I moaned, trying hard not to whine.

"Am I a bad friend for asking you to do this?"

I sighed. "No. Of course not. I mean, it_ is_ for charity, right?" I shrugged, hopeful.

Angela smiled uncertainly. "Thanks, Bella." She tucked her clipboard beneath her arm, gave me another quick hug, and scurried off to apparently more pressing duties.

Jessica nodded at me in greeting as I saddled the corner stool. She was pulling her hair up into a high pony-tail. "Long time, no see, Bella. I didn't think I'd see you volunteering for the Forks Kissing Booth."

"It's a favor for Angela. You've, um, done this before?"

"For like, the last three years. It always puts Mike's panties in a bunch, which makes it that much more fun for me."

I smiled as Jessica applied a thick coat of sticky-looking lip gloss. I rubbed my thighs nervously and looked around for Alice; I couldn't spot her. My mind tried to calculate the time it would take to get through a hundred kisses. Far too long.

"What if I just withdrew a hundred dollars from the ATM?" I asked.

Jessica gawked. "You're willing to dole out a hundred bucks just to get out of an evening of harmless kisses and a little attention on you?"

I stared back, blinking. Was it a rhetorical question? Of course, I was. Ready and willing and already reaching for my purse.

"The closest ATM is six or seven blocks away, and the booth's ready to open like, now. You can't abandon ship at the last second," she said, rolling her neck in a circle and stretching out her arms, as if doing warm-ups for a big game. I tried not to roll my eyes.

The strings of lights that flanked the booth flickered on. Several boys began making their way toward us. I gulped back a sense of dread.

"Hi there, Bella." Mike Newton had come out of nowhere and beaten the other guys that were closing in. "I didn't know you'd be giving kisses this year."

"I didn't plan on it. I'm just helping Angela out. We need to bring in three hundred dollars, and a girl bailed on her at the last possible second." I tried to appear distracted, looking over and around him.

I felt Jessica's open stare. Boys with colored tickets started forming into lines in front of us. Girls stood at the sidelines, pointing at us with contemptuous glares. Lauren seemed thrilled by the attention, and she straightened up on her side of the booth, proudly sticking out her chest.

Now, I have been in some sticky situations before. My blood has been lusted after, for crying out loud. But this was bordering on ridiculous.

"Maybe I should help out too. Where do we buy the tickets?" Mike grinned goofily. I couldn't help but focus on his thin, chapped lips.

"I thought you told me the whole idea of a kissing booth was, like, completely ludicrous, Mike," Jessica challenged. "A subtle form of prostitution, if I remember right."

Mike shrugged nervously. "Well it's a charity, right? No harm in that." He looked down to the sticker on the table in front of me. "You're the green tickets?" he asked.

"No. Red, Mike. _My_ kissing tickets are _red_," Jessica spat.

"I just thought I'd help Bella out." He started digging into his back pocket, probably for his wallet. I gagged a little.

And then I felt an instant familiar swell in my chest. I could feel him before I knew he was there.

I scanned the cluster of people. I saw his crown of disheveled spikes, a coppery halo distinguishing him from the other heads in the crowd. The Angel had arrived.

Edward navigated swiftly through the carnival goers and emerged from the sea in blue jeans and a black tee-shirt that clung deliciously tight around his chest. Green tickets spilled out from both of his fists. His smirk seemed both amused and agitated. He was almost glaring at Mike.

"I don't think there's any need for your help," he said, stepping between Mike and the counter I sat behind. "Bella's tickets are sold out." He dangled the tickets in front of him.

"That's, uh, too bad. Haven't seen you around in a while, Cullen. How have you been?"

"Jessica's waiting right there for you. You should go buy some tickets for your girl," Edward hinted harshly, skipping all pleasantries. He turned to face me, his features quickly softening as he dropped the tickets on the counter between us.

"The situations you get yourself into," he said with a sigh. I ducked my head a little as he laughed.

"You're my hero," I mouthed to him.

"I came to cash in," he said then and winked devilishly. I bit on my lip, hiding my delight over his just-in-nick-of-time rescue.

I didn't see Mike leave, and I didn't care that he was gone. I only hoped that he would return for Jessica's sake. She huffed beside me, straightened her shoulders, and made a beckoning gesture at the growing crowd. "Let's get this party started, people."

"I can't believe you did this," I told Edward with a laugh, picking up the rows of tickets.

"I believe you owe me one hundred kisses, Miss Swan." He quirked an eyebrow expectantly.

"If you insist, Cullen," I giggled before closing my eyes and pursing my lips up at him. I felt the heat from his chest as he moved closer. My lips started tingling out of sheer anticipation.

Then, in the dark, just as my mouth literally began to ache for his, I felt his moist lips press firmly against the center of my forehead instead. I opened my eyes, surprised. He lowered his face to be even with mine, but still he left my lips untouched. The tenderness of the chaste gesture produced goose bumps along my arms.

"Don't you want your kiss?" I breathed.

"Sweet, Bella," he whispered, cupping my cheeks as he kept our foreheads and noses merged. "Is this real?"

I brushed my thumb along his jaw line and waited.

"You and me. With an actual happy ending?" his whispered voice was achingly hoarse. And then he finally allowed his mouth to part mine and I felt his lips glide over to consume my tongue.

"I want one of those," a boy whooped loudly, causing Edward to break his connection from me. "Give me one of_ those_ kisses, girlie."

The boy smacked his ticket down in front of Jessica and grinned, waiting. Jessica squinted back a sour face.

"Sorry, Jess," I muttered and excused myself from the booth. Edward started scooping up the green tickets.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I tugged on his hand.

"I'm saving my kisses for later," he smiled impishly and followed me closely into the crowds.

Silly Edward. He would never need a ticket for one of my kisses. They would always be his. His alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Saturday Evening…. **

We visited Charlie at the lake in the center of the park. It seemed like the whole city was gathered around the water as loopy circus music pumped through the air. Charlie was in charge of Kid's Trout Fishing. He wore a full fisherman's vest and a floppy hat full of dull hooks, and I had never seen him look so openly thrilled like he did now. Practically every kid from Forks was lined up to fish with Chief Swan.

Hand in hand, Edward and I maneuvered our way through the craziness, and Charlie smiled when he spotted us. He even patted Edward on the back when we approached him.

"How are you two enjoying the fair?" he asked.

"It's been wonderful," Edward said serenely as he looked over to me. I nodded.

"Really great, dad."

Charlie brushed the area around the painted creature on my cheek. "Nice unicorn, kiddo. I can't believe it's been twelve years. Do you remember the last time I took you to this carnival?"

I nodded and felt a little blush beginning. I sensed Charlie's detour into nostalgia coming.

He quickly loaded a worm onto a Snoopy Fishing Pole and handed it to an eager little boy, who promptly scampered off with his mother to the very edge of the lake. "You were visiting me for Summer when you were seven. You picked out a unicorn that time too."

"Really?" I placated as I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly anxious to be on our way. I embarrassed easily and didn't really want to talk about my childhood in front of Edward, but Edward's eyes seemed to spark with an interested glow.

"You were fixated on the merry-go-around. Do you remember that?"

I tried to keep from cringing. Edward squeezed my hand gently but he leaned closer to Charlie, clearly eager for more.

"You wouldn't get on until your favorite horse was open. The bigger kids always beat you to the tall ones. We waited in line for a good forty-five minutes." He scratched his chin and smiled.

"You got tired of waiting," I said.

"I got tired of you walking back to me with that sad face before the ride even started," he corrected.

"Finally, you just picked me up and carried me over everyone when they opened the gates again."

"And you burst into tears because everyone was looking at you," he laughed.

"You made a scene," I reasoned as I giggled. Edward was smiling from ear to ear at our conversation.

"But once you got on that darn thing, Bella, you just wouldn't get off. You rode for hours."

A little blonde girl with big eyes and pig-tails tugged on Charlie's vest. "Can ya put my worm on, Chief? I don't wanna touch it."

"Well of course I can, little miss,"

"We'll see you later, dad," I told him, not wanting to take any more time away from the excited children.

"All right, then. Hey, Edward. Stop by sometime. Maybe I'll take you fishing. Catch us some Coho Salmon. Sound good to you?"

I knew Edward tried to hide his surprise, but he couldn't suppress the flash of awe from my knowing eyes. He nodded energetically. "Yes, most definitely. I would enjoy that, Chief Swan." Edward was trying to appear calm and I saw Charlie actually putting work into his normally effortless scowl toward Edward.

Neither was very convincing.

"Call me Charlie. For now. We'll see how that sounds for a while. I may change my mind, so don't get so excited." He nodded to himself, and his hat of dangling hooks shimmied above his head. He was seemingly pleased with his own compromise.

"Of course. Thank you, Charlie."

Edward returned to my side, unable to erase his elated expression. Charlie rubbed my shoulder.

"See you later, sweet pea."

I said goodbye to my father and followed Edward back into the heart of the carnival.

The day had been close to perfect. I was in bliss.

Edward and I held each other tightly during our jaunt on the Ferris Wheel, we devoured each other with kisses during the Hay Ride, and we chased each other through the Fun House. I fed Edward cloudy blue cotton candy. His strong hands kept grabbing onto my sticky fingers and trying to lick the sugary mess from them. The whole night was a blur of paradise, and I laughed so much so often that I couldn't always catch my breath. I kept my place, nestled under the crook of Edward's arm, my side aligned against his side. The crowds around us became a distant haze and I was drunk with pleasure.

As dusk was ending, I dragged Edward onto the Tilt-a-Whirl, but I quickly came to regret that decision.

"You look a little green," I shouted over the grinding machinery, half-way through the ride. My hair whipped around, slapping Edward in the face every other second. He unflinchingly gripped the handle bar in front of us and kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"I'm fine," he muttered back, but I knew better. Apparently, I had fed him too much sweet cottony blue goodness, and his fledgling stomach was not yet properly equipped to handle the Tilt-A-Whirl's sheer velocity.

I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and leaned close to his face. "Should I signal them to stop the ride?" I asked into his ear and started to raise my arm into the air. His eyes snapped open and he abruptly shook his head, grabbing for my arm.

"Don't do that," he pleaded. "It's good, I'm good," he said, and I trilled over the phrase I knew he had picked up from me. He was sounding more and more modern every day. I rubbed his back for the rest of the ride.

When it was over, I clamored across the metal platform as Edward staggered bravely beside me. I led him to a nearby bathroom. He smiled weakly down at me.

He pushed his hair up and off his forehead; it stuck up in random yet somehow perfect bronze tufts.

"Well, if that wasn't the most impressing display of manliness," he began, still pale.

I sighed. "Edward, don't start that. I think it's been the most amazing day. Ever. And we've been able to do so much. You've been…." I stopped and glanced around us and then lowered my voice. "… You've been human for a week. I've had a lot more time to develop this stomach of steel." I patted above my belly button to emphasize my point.

He merely chuckled.

"I'll get you a Sprite? Maybe it will calm your stomach?" I suggested.

"I'll meet you in the center of the park then," he answered and planted a kiss on my cheek. Then, he shooed me away before entering the restroom. I grinned to myself as I walked away.

--------------

Sorry to leave the end of this chapter hanging. The chapter turned out to be much too lengthy. Chapter 11 is "The Dark Hour" – the conclusion of Bella and Edward's Saturday at the Carnival. To be posted Wednesday or Thursday. I am eager to get back in your good graces after such a horrible delay in updating, so I will keep my word.


	11. The Dark Hour

I caught sight of the carousal as I wandered further into the park while waiting for Edward. Out of all the rides in this place – all of the sights to see – I was most fond of the carousal. My most vivid memories of the festival as a child centered on the painted horses that resided there in the middle of the park.

I handed over a string of tickets and made my way around the platform until I found her, just where she'd always been. The horse painted deep purple with white hair and a silver unicorn horn. It was the only one I had ever ridden. I smiled when I hopped up and slid onto its back, remembering the feel and relishing in the comfort of a simpler time. A large white horse remained empty beside me as we began to spin.

The wind picked up and wailed, mournfully whipping through the carnival. There, even protected by the carousel's giant canopy, I felt the gusts as they chilled the very core of me. The weather was transforming into a threat of a storm.

"Unicorns are lovely creatures, aren't they?" said a voice behind me. I turned around to see a thin man in a short white button-down shirt and large-framed glasses. He was seated deeply in the chariot behind my horse. His smile was innocent and the way he wiggled his nose to resituate his glasses made me feel relaxed.

"Have you ever seen one?" he asked, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"They're myth."

He shook his head. "I don't think so. They're very proud beasts. We say they don't exist because we can't capture one. We decide what's real and what's myth based on our own capabilities. That's highly presumptuous of us, don't you think?"

I looked down to him as my unicorn began climbing up and down its pole as we turned.

"They're immortal, you know. I'm quite jealous."

"Forever is a long time," I suggested.

"We should have been granted more time," he said as he squinted up at me through his glasses.

"Who?"

"You. Me. Humans. A typical lifespan is simply too short to understand all that we were meant to."

I was silent as I contemplated this. Maybe he was right, but a human span of life would simply have to be long enough for me now. I felt eyes burning into me, and when I looked up, Edward was standing at the fence, waiting for me. He smiled and waved each time I passed.

"You should take care of your unicorn," the man hinted and I snapped my full attention back to him and the chariot he was riding.

"Who are you?"

"Henry Farrow. And you're Bella, right? Edward's Bella."

I looked out into the crowd and when I saw Edward this time, his face was concerned. He must have sensed my sudden trepidation. The confusion must have been scrawled across my face. I inched further against my horse.

"I don't know what you want, but please leave me alone."

"I'm a friend. And you need to get Edward to leave Forks." He had lost all his playfulness and was now staring at me with stern eyes. I stared back, not knowing what to say next.

I caught sight of Edward. He was on the carousel himself now, and making his way around the horses. "Bella, what's wrong?" He came to stand beside me, following my gaze down to this Henry fellow. I literally saw Edward's skin pale as he took in the man in front of us.

"What are you doing here?"

"You know him?" I asked Edward.

"I've come to make sure you leave Forks, Edward."

"Stay away from us," Edward warned before swiftly circling toward me. He promptly picked me up off my horse and carried me to the edge of the carousel. He jumped off and staggered only briefly when we landed. Quickly regaining his balance, he put me on my feet, but we didn't stop moving. He took off into a jog, dragging me behind. "Hurry," he huffed.

We sprinted through the crowd, further away from the painted horses – further from Henry and his mythical beasts.

"Alice," Edward shouted out. "The parking lot. Now."

Alice would be able to hear us, no matter what part of the park she was in. I glanced behind me and spotted Henry; he had just hopped off the carousel and was now running after us. I gripped Edward's fingers tighter. He didn't need to pull me any longer. My own fear propelled me to pump my legs to match Edward's pace.

"Hey, guys," Mike called as we passed the bucket-toss booth. "Party at my place, tonight. Hope you can make it, Bella."

"We have plans," I spat as we sped past him.

I heard Edward growl through clenched teeth. "He doesn't know when to quit."

"What's their problem?" Jessica wondered absently behind us.

"Edward, please listen to what I have to say," Henry called, and I yelped, realizing he was closer than before. Only a few yards back.

"Faster, Bella," Edward encouraged as he pulled me to his side. We were running now – flying through the laughter and contentment of the once safe night.

When we reached the parking lot, Alice was waiting for us with arms crossed and eyes worried. "What's going on, Edward?"

We closed the span of space between us, and I slowed down. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me into Alice's arms in a single swift motion.

"Take her home," he instructed sternly.

"No," I said, instantly panicking.

"Someone's here to speak with me. It's safer for Bella to be home."

"No," I repeated. "Alice, no!"

Alice looked between us both, perplexed.

"It's for your own safety."

"I'm going where you go," I insisted.

"Bella," Edward pleaded. I shook my head adamantly. He turned to his sister, thrusting my arm into her hand. "Take her now."

Alice was clearly distraught, and it seemed like she kept trying to search her mind for the best possible outcome. But the chemical from Edward's injections effectively blocked his future – along with any person's future he touched - from her.

"I go where Edward goes," I reiterated.

"It's not safe," Edward explained, frustrated.

"Take me home, then," I told Alice, and Edward's tense face relaxed at once. He gazed at me, seemingly grateful. _Silly Edward_, I thought to myself.

"But take Edward with us," I finished. Alice nodded quickly, and I knew she thought it was the best option too. She tightened her icy fingers around my arm and when I looked down I saw she had already latched onto Edward's arm too, very much to his dismay.

"Let go of me, Alice," he demanded down at her.

"Not a chance, big brother." She pulled Edward behind her with a mere flick of her tiny wrist, and the motion would have seemed quite odd to anyone watching from the outside. A tiny sprite of a girl swinging a 6'2 guy about like a rag doll.

She held us both by the hand and stood in front of us. Edward now glared at me, but he remained quiet.

"Who are you?" Alice's question wind-chimed into the air. I peeked around her to see that Henry was standing on the edge of the lot, trying to catch his breath. Sweat darkened spotted up and down his white shirt. He pushed his glasses further onto his nose.

"A friend of Edward's," he panted. "I'm Henry Farrow. I really need to speak with him privately."

"We are Edward's family, and we don't feel it's safe for Edward to be alone with you. Anything you have to say, you can say it now."

"I've come to warn you, Edward. They're not through with you."

"I'm no longer vampire. They have no use for me, Henry. Just leave us be."

Henry shook his head, his face solemnly disagreeing with Edward's presumption. I felt an all-too-familiar dread creep into me.

"The unit is coming for you. They're not finished. You simply don't know how important you are to them, Edward."

Chills began to course painfully up and down my spine. I thought we had escaped this danger, but this man was standing before me, telling us otherwise.

Edward grinded his teeth and his features contorted into a torturous, confused stare into space. He seemed like a little boy, faith abandoned. My heart ached from his pain.

"Carlisle needs to know what's going on," Alice whispered to Edward. "Is this one safe to bring home?"

Edward sigh deflated his chest, deflating any last shreds of hope too. "I prefer to speak to him alone."

"That is not an option. The three of us are going home. With or without him. Now, is he safe?"

"Henry Farrow is the professor that helped me escape. I read his thoughts when I still could. His intentions are just."

Alice nodded succinctly. "We are returning home. You can follow us and speak to Edward there in the presence of his family, Professor Farrow."

Henry simply nodded. "All right. I will meet you at your home."

Alice rushed us to the car and promptly flung me into the backseat. Edward dejectedly followed, slamming his door shut. Alice sped off and the silence encumbered all three of us inside the vehicle.

Edward stared out the window the entire time, never facing me. I sensed his heavy breathing was filled with anger over my refusal to allow him to go with Henry on his own. I touched his shoulder but he made no effort to acknowledge me.

I cringed at the rejection that stabbed at my chest. He was trying to keep me safe, and I had denied him that effort. I understood his pain. Did he not understand that I was merely doing the same, though? I had to keep him just as safe. A taste of my own medicine. It turned out, that neither of us liked it – the other sacrificing their own safety.

I stared down at my hands as my fingers fumbled around each other nervously. Alice didn't even hum one of her airy, whimsical tunes. I felt heavy and locked away by this new fear.

Near the end of the drive, I risked touching him again. His harsh, angered fumes of breath had turned calm, now a sad and steady rhythm. My fingers crept into his hair and he flinched in surprise. Undeterred, I brushed his hair behind his ear. I let out the air I was holding when he finally leaned into my touch. He pushed his cheek against my palm. Nothing was said and we pulled into the Cullen driveway in the same silence we had driven in.

Alice must have driven too fast, because I had been pacing around the bottom floor of the Cullen home for over fifteen minutes and Henry still hadn't arrived.

I picked out pieces of her conversation with Carlisle. "…can find him on his own ground …. can't risk him finding our home." I quickly deciphered that Alice had sped _intentionally_. She had lost Henry Farrow on purpose, and I didn't know whether to be distraught or relieved. We needed to hear what he had come to say. But I also understood it would be safer to seek him out rather than him knowing where we were.

"Someone's here," Jasper snarled, and he, Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were staked out at the grand window before I realized he had spoken. Edward and I followed them and I gasped at the sight in front of us.

The same dark, pitch-black window tinted sedan that had been creeping outside the house the other night was now pulling directly into the driveway.

The car turned off, and the driver door swung open. Henry emerged from the vehicle, and Alice hissed. "He couldn't have followed us."

"He knew where we were," I stated. "I've seen this car out here before."

"What? Why didn't you say anything" Edward asked, shocked.

"We'll talk about it later," Carlisle decided, effectively ending a quarrel before it could start. "Right now, we have other questions that need answering. We don't have the option of waiting any longer."

Esme straightened her dress and opened the front door. "Mr. Farrow, please come in."

Henry Farrow was a gangly man with a youthful face. Even seated, his posture was awkward and ungraceful. He slurped the tea that Esme gave him graciously, and he was too at ease for a human knowingly surrounded by a team of vampires.

"You are the one that helped Edward to escape, I understand?" Carlisle began as he took a seat on the green couch across from him. Edward stood in the corner, arms crossed uncomfortably over his chest, a scowl clinging to his beautiful features. I sat edged beside Alice and Jasper in a loveseat and Esme stood beside Carlisle.

Henry nodded and grasped at his glasses, straightening them yet again on his face.

"Why?" Alice asked. "Why work for a group of people that want to destroy us and then let one of them go?"

"What ... what that group of people is doing and what I thought they stood for are two completely different things, miss."

"What did you think they stood for?" Esme asked curiously.

"Research. I thought we were studying a species that was thought to be only myth."

"Clearly they mean not only to study our kind. They want us destroyed, yes?" Jasper was staring hard into Henry, and I figured he was trying to gage his emotional state. He seemed calm and excited at the same time to me.

"Yes. That's about right. But the injections they're giving the vampires work too slowly, and the time and energy it takes to actually capture one …. It's not logical to continue."

"Will they stop?"

Henry actually snorted at Esme's question. "Not in the least. Consider the human race. We are superior to all other species. At least we thought ourselves to be. We are organized and greedy for power. What do you think we – as a species – would do if we felt threatened by something more powerful than us?"

"Use anything in their power to stop the rival," Jasper surmised. Henry simply nodded.

"No other vampire has survived the changing process from vampire to human. The bodies become too weak, and many of the vampires we've captured are several centuries old. Their organs, especially, are not vital enough to endure the transformation. The change is sheer torture on the body, and most of them give up the will to survive when they understand that their vampire powers have left them."

"Edward is fully human now," Carlisle spoke.

"Yes," Henry agreed. "His drive to actually become human and his ability to read thoughts helped him understand what was taking place."

"What does it matter to them if they survive or not?" Jasper asked. "I thought we were perceived as a threat to be extinguished. If the vampires die in the process, mission accomplished. If they turn human, then they no longer pose a threat. Either way, problem solved."

"No, you don't understand. A vampire that has survived the transformation…. A vampire that is now completely human is the ultimate holy grail."

I was a bundle of nerves beside Carlisle. I glanced over to Edward. He kept his desolate stare fixated down on a spot of carpet, but his eyes were tight and his ears perked.

"The head of the Unit is looking for you, Edward. You never met him. His name is Redcap."

"Why do they need a transformed vampire?"

"His blood is special. It can be used as a vaccine."

I gasped, and I heard Edward groan in anguish over in the corner. The Cullens were perfectly quiet.

"Am I to understand that my son's blood is being sought after by humans?" Carlisle asked after a time.

"Ironic, isn't it?" Henry asked with a small smirk. Carlisle sneered at him.

"What does this mean?"

"It means that Edward needs to get out of Forks. He is very precious to the Unit's purpose now."

"We … we can't change him?" Alice asked, her voice abnormally shaky.

"No!" Henry said quickly. "No, you mustn't do that, miss. The transformation is complete. His blood is poisonous to vampires now. You won't be able to turn him into a vampire again. The only thing you'll end up doing is killing yourself."

Jasper's arm instantly wrapped around Alice, and in the back of my mind I could sense the comforting waves of tranquility that he was trying to spread throughout the room to his family.

I was in a fog. I felt like someone was violently shaking me awake, but when I looked down at my hands, I realized I was already quite awake and my body shook all on its own. The pale white walls blurred into the shiny wooden floors, and all warmth fell away. I was ice cold and terrified. Edward was suddenly kneeling beside me, putting my head to his chest and stroking my hair. The warmth flickered back to life with his touch.

"They are able to track vampires quite easily. This group is extremely private, and they are allotted a huge amount of funding for their cause. They have the highest level of technology available. Their tracking devices hunt moving objects without heartbeats. Mr. Carlisle, your family isn't even safe here any longer. You're too close to our station."

"Can … can we trust this man, Edward?"

I felt Edward slowly nod his head above mine. I remembered that even without his gift, Edward was a very good judge of character. "Henry has shown me nothing but kindness. He is very intrigued by vampires."

"Well, Professor Farrow, if Edward says we can trust you, then I do. You are a strange young fellow; I've never met anyone so intensely fascinated by our kind. Aside from Bella, anyway."

I would have laughed had I not been on the verge of tears in Edward's arms.

"We will arrange to leave with Edward at once."

"Their job is to hunt vampires, and they're much better at it than finding humans. You will only end up leading them straight to Edward. He must go alone."

That word – "alone" - was the cue for my heart to start pumping outrageously fast. "I'm going with him."

Edward tensed beside me, and I felt weary before the battle even began, but I wouldn't lose. No, I wouldn't lose Edward.

"They're looking for _me_. You can't come with me."

"I go where you go," I reminded him in a meek whisper. "Don't you understand that?"

Henry looked at me, and for a brief moment, I knew he understood me. "They don't know much about Edward. They don't even know his name. It's difficult to gather any information on a vampire. It would be difficult for Redcap to track him, if he leaves now. Bella, I believe you would be safe with Edward - safer than with the rest of the Cullens. I can lead them away from your destination."

"We need to get the Volturi involved."

"No, Jasper!" Carlisle said loudly. "Not until it's absolutely necessary. We need to put a stop to this special Unit, but the Volturi will not hesitate to kill Edward when they discover what his blood can do to a vampire."

"Bella," Alice said as she sprang to my side. "Let's get your bags packed and say goodbye to Charlie."

I nodded in agreement and turned to kiss Edward goodbye. "You _will_ be here when I get back," I threatened. I made sure my tone sounded more demanding than Edward's had ever been toward me. I was serious.

He nodded with a doomed acceptance and soul-dying eyes that ripped away a piece of my heart, but I knew there was no time to waste kissing our fears away. I hurried out to Alice's car and away to Charlie's.

The perfect bliss of this perfect day had given way to the newest onslaught of nightmares.

Edward was stuck as human and in grave danger. And now, Carlisle couldn't change him back, even if he wanted to. Edward was poisonous to a vampire, and the craziest part of everything was that … humans sought _his_ blood now.


End file.
